Life is a cabaret, old chums

I may have mentioned previously that Goldfrapp are musical genii. I'm not ashamed of it, and I'll continue to say so as long as they continue to prove me right.

Yesterday on Radio 1 they did a cover of The Ordinary Boy's "Boys Will Be Boys" in the style of a inter-war Berlin Cabaret act. Camp doesn't even begin to describe it.

Needless to say, the song is absolutely wonderful (Marlene Dietrich would have been proud) and you should listen to it before you do anything else with your day.

So, stop picking your nose and go to Radio One's "listen again" pages. Or, if you're one of those terrible criminals who insists on infringing copyright and destroying the music industry, click here to download it.

But don't expect me to protect you when the RIAA comes round in the middle of the night to stick a baseball bat up your nightdress.

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Taking the wii

A lesson in how not to rebrand your product, courtesy of Nintendo.

Introducing... Wii.
As in "we."
While the code-name "Revolution" expressed our direction, Wii represents the answer.
Wii will break down the the wall that separates video game players from everybody else.
Wii will put people more in touch with their games... and each other. But you're probably asking: What does the name mean?

Not really. I'm asking "Is this a joke?" Apparently not - the press release continues;

Wii sounds like "we" which emphasises the console is for everyone.

Or you could say it sounds like "wee", which makes you think of piss.

Wii can easily be remembered by people around the world, no matter what language they speak. No confusion. No need to abbreviate. Just wii.

Wii has a distinctive "ii" spelling that symbolizes both the unique controllers and the image of people gathering round to play.

Translation: Our marketing team came up with this idea when they were on a massive sugar-rush. Look, they said, it's spelt all funny! And it's just like when we used to play on the slides, "Weeeeeeeeee!" This is the best name for a video games console ever in the history of the world!!!!!

And Wii, as a name and a console, brings something revolutionary to the world of video games that sets it apart from the crowd.

This paragraph has no meaning.

So that's Wii. But now Nintendo needs you.
Because, it's not really about you or me.
It's about Wii.

You, boy. Stop singgering.

And together, Wii will change everything

Oh. Dear.

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Jackson returns!

No, not that one. He's off in the Middle East protecting his face from the searing heat. I'm talking about Janet, who's gearing up for a omeback two years after the fantastic Damita Jo album was derailed by the Superbowl 'incident'.

Her official website has just been relaunched, with a great big James Bond style countdown clock. Presumably Jackson hasn't tied Mariah Carey to a train track and threatened to blow up the moon, but we won’t know for sure until Mayday.


So, what's really going to happen at midday on May 1st? Some ideas:

1) Janet trashes a branch of McDonalds as an act of solidarity with the anti-globalisation movement
2) Janet hosts a party to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Treaty Of Versailles...
3) ...Or Una Stubbs 69th birthday
4) Janet photshops all of the pictures on her website so they suddenly reveal her left bosom.

Well, what we do know is that her new single is due next month, with an album to follow in the autumn. There's a rumour it'll be called 20 Years Old - a reference to the two decades that have passed since her breakthrough album, Control, was released. Despite the dreadful title (I prefer Janetarium myself) the album's producers have been making some encouraging sounds.

"I think her record needs to sound like old Human League records," boyfriend / producer Jermaine Dupri told the World Entertainment News Network.

"It'll be 20 years since the release of Control," says long-time collaborator Jimmy Jam, "so there's definitely a little bit of a nod to that on the new album."

2006 will be a make-or-break year for the singer. If her new record underperforms like Damita Jo Jackson is headed for permanent dumperdom. It's understandable, therefore, that there's a lot of preparation going on. Tracks recorded with Beyoncé's songsmith Rich Harrison have been leaked, and Janet's efforts to get fit have been suspiciously over-photographed.

But over-exposure, both in terms of press and flesh, killed off Jackson's last project. Let's hope the rest of the promotional campaign focuses on the music and puts Janet back where she belongs - panting and grunting over a slick r'n'b drumbeat.

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How much would you give?

via Yahoo

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Gig Review that I stole from a messageboard: Take That

I really wanted tickets to see Take That, but they sold out before I could get through to ticketmaster. My sister has a spare ticket for one of the Glasgow dates, but I'm working that night. Grrrr.

So, assuming that prices on Ebay will be exorbitant, I'm living vicariously through others.

Here's what 'Stars In My Thighs' says on the Popjustice messageboard:

I've never, ever enjoyed a show so much in my life. I can say that with the utmost sincerity.

There was rain (with umbrellas!), fire, a Beatles medley, breakdancing, dirty ho-bag dancers, an array of costumes and suits that made them look as fit as fuck...

The hologram of Robbie [There's a hologram? Of Robbie? How fucking genius is that? - mrdp] was a little grainy at first, but then it got clearer and you should have heard the screams! He was 'wearing' an army jacket and ripped jeans, and it was generally lovely.

When I heard the opening of Never Forget I actually felt myself well up!
I spent a ridiculous amount of money on merchandise as well, but hey, student loan came through today and what better way to waste it?!

Keep an eye out for the pants with "it only takes a minute" on them... Genius.

How encouraging! But just as I was about to scurry off to spend an obscene amount of money on a pair of tickets, someone called Maureen posted this response:

[That] just reminds how truly, truly shit Take That were. Rubbish songs, cheapo production, horrendous dance routines. Ugh. It's nice that they're giving their fans another chance to catch this 'live experience', but fucking hell, what a load of old shit they were.

Is it weird that both of those accounts ring true to me? I have extremely fond memories of Take That (on chat shows alone, they were forty times better than any of today's boybands), but they were really quite dreadful, weren't they? The music was cheap - they famously recorded their albums in a week - and the videos were shockingly bad. Would we remember them at all if Gary Barlow hadn't struck gold with Back For Good?

Well, while I try make up my mind, here are some photos from the opening night in Newcastle.




(click to enlarge)

Setlist:
Once You've Tasted Love
Pray
Today I've Lost You - (new track)
Why Can't I Wake Up With You?
It Only Takes A Minute
Babe
Everything Changes
A Million Love Songs
Beatles medley
How Deep Is Your Love?
Love Ain't Here Anymore
Sure
Relight My Fire (with Beverley Knight)
Back For Good
Could It Be Magic (with Robbie Williams)
Never Forget

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Popworld: What have you done?

Who are these muppets on our pop show?! Yesterday's Popworld was pretty awful. Almost as awful as Top Of The Pops Saturday, but without the air of utter desperation. Accordingly, the internets are ablaze with furious reaction from the barely literate. Here's what they are saying.

"One word to describe the all-new Popworld: painful."
botherd

"It's like they've kept the same script Simon and Miquita would have used, but it's just not as good."
Brig Bother, NotBBC

"I was somewhat excited... due to Alex Zane being pretty and Dirty Pretty Things being on it. Turns out, interview complete shite and programme shite."
Sillykat

"Popworld is pointless without Simon and Miquita, just like Star Test without the computer or Later without Jools Holland's sycophancies."
Kubla Khan, popjustice

"Both look pretty wooden and unsure of what to do. No real chemistry."
innocent bystand, digital spy

"I just miss Simon."
georgie, low culture

Oh dear.

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