Temporary break in service

Hello! We're off to Australia for a month to sample the local culture, a few koalas and Justin Timberlake. I might make the odd update during the trip, but I'm not promising anything...



Thanks for stopping by. Normal service will be resumed around the 19th November.

Cheers,
mrdiscopop

PS Please don't rob our house.

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While we're away...

One or both of these songs will go to number one. And deservedly so*.

Take That - Rule The World

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love


*You have to understand how begrudgingly I make this statement in the case of Leona Lewis, but it's true nonetheless.

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What's going on with Natasha Bedingfield?

In the old days, before corporate "synergy" gave us global brands like Cif and Snickers and the Wonderbra, products used to have different names in different markets. What we now know to be Starburst used to masquerade as called Opal Fruits; painful ladyhair remover Veet used to be known as Immac in certain parts of the world; For many years, Pepsi was called Honking Nob Juice in Scandinavia (Are you sure about that last one? - Ed)

Most of this confusion has now been cleared up, except in the case of the Milky Way. A fluffy nougatine confection in the UK, in the US it is to all intents and purposes a Mars Bar. It can cause literally seconds of confusion.

It now appears that Natasha Bedingfield has turned into the pop equivalent of a Milky Way. Her perfectly lovely NB album, released in the UK earlier this year, is completely different to the album of the same name she's about to release in the US.

The first single for US fans is a duet with that twat Sean Kingston which, to my surprise, isn't that bad. But the song has never been released in the UK, where it doesn't even feature as an album track.

Natasha Bedingfield ft Sean Kingston - Love Like This (fan video)

Now, we find she's doing the same with her second single - a poppy little R&B number from Rodney Jerkins (Brandy, Destiny's Child, that Spice Girls album we prefer not to talk about). Again, its a completely new track just for the US.


Natasha Bedingfield - A.N.G.E.L. (clip)

Clearly, someone at Sony US has decided Natasha's first attempt at a second album wasn't good enough, and has forced her back into the studio to try again. The results are actually quite good - but it makes you wonder why she was allowed out with a substandard product by the UK arm of her company in the first place.

Next week from the tortured pop-confectionery metaphor department: Why Robbie Williams is at the end of his FUSE, how Britney has turned into a FLAKE, and Brandon Flowers shows us his CURLY WURLY. Geddit?!

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Moody cows

Why, it's the new Girls Aloud video:

Girls Aloud - Call The Shots

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Why Kylie will never be Madonna

It has now been a week since the the latest Kylie single premiered and, despite the fact that it's a perfectly serviceable slab of techno-pop, the song seems to have ruffled a few feathers.

Popjustice has a great summary, cherry-picking quotes from the web's Minogue-o-maniacs. For example: "Kylie just doesn't have the voice to make it really work" and "She's slapped us in the face again".

I have a feeling that people were expecting some kind of revelatory, heart-on-her-sleeve bombshell. After all, Kylie has had an incredibly harrowing three years - from being diagnosed with cancer, to having chemotherapy and reconstructive surgery. Not to mention splitting up with her long-term boyfriend and shelving dates on her celebrated comeback tour because she wasn't back to full health.

But then Kylie has always been strangely mute about her personal affairs. Anyone going to the Showgirl Homecoming concerts would have seen that her main priority was to dress up in feathers and bask in the fervent adulation of her fans. There were no tear-jerking moments where she revealed her innermost thoughts and passions - unless Kylie secretly wishes she were a robot from Doctor Who. Which is a possibility, I suppose.

Across nine albums, Kylie's lyrics have never strayed into her domestic affairs, either. She can't get things out of her head, she spins around, and she doesn't know why (in French), but we know precious little about her loves and losses, her personal battles for control, or even her on-set experiences with Jean Claude Van Damme.

Kylie's talent is to act as a cypher for the listener - a blank screen on which you can project your own experiences. That's why she'll never be Madonna, Janet or even Christina, all of whom use music as a spiritual and emotional enema.

Perhaps she's genuinely got nothing of interest to say, but I suspect she's too scared to relinquish control.

And, in the end, that's why her fans are upset. After supporting her through a particularly rough patch, they expected something in return - only to find Kylie had retreated further into her cocoon.

Not that anyone wants a full-on cancer album, you understand. But just a hint of the person behind the bottom would have been nice.

Kylie - 2 Hearts

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Girls Aloud - Call The Shots artwork

If you buy the new Girls Aloud single next month, this is what it will look like:



And the remixes will sound like this (Tony Lamezma) and like this (Xenomania). How exciting, eh?

In the meantime, let us distract ourselves with the perennial Girls Aloud dilemma - who, exactly, is the hottest? You should base your answer on the above photo for the sake of timeliness and relevance.

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