Why not call them the Freddies?

We're appraching that time of year when the Mercury Music Prize judges choose their sacrificial victim - the artist who they will curse to the dustbin of pop through the act of bestowing an "album of the year" award upon them.

Previous has-beens include Pulp! Ms Dynamite! M People! And some other shite.


The Mercury has some very simple criteria when selecting it's prey:
1) One record on the shortlist has to have been championed by Jo Whiley
2) Another album is by a classical artist, who will not win
3) The winning record must be one you've heard of, but never got round to buying

The committee have now released the longest of the long lists for the prize, which constitutes all of the albums submitted for consideration by British record companies. A shocking 217 records have been put forward this year. Let's have a quick look at who the record companies are trying to butter up.

The shoe-ins

Morrissey and Kate Bush (for long service)

Sway (obligatory 'urban' artist)

Lily Allen and/or Sandi Thom (attempt to look relevant in the days of myspace and whatnot)

The no-hopers

Girls Aloud (too popular and exciting)

Gomez (previous recipients of Mercury's kiss of death)

Robbie Williams (you are having a laff mate)

The ones you've never heard of

Paparazzi Whore ( sound like one of the musical sketches from Not The Nine O'Clock News)

St Jude's Infirmary (they have a song called Sylvia Plath's Platinum Summer - enough said)

Various (perhaps the committee could have been more specific here...)

Ones I keep meaning to buy, who will therefore probably win

Editors

The Automatic

Guillemots (bonus points for Jo Whiley endorsement)

Band I would like to win, who won't win

Goldfrapp

I've posted the full list here. The 12-album shortlist is announced on Tuesday 18th July 2006.

Let me know who you think deserves the prize...

Tweet