The Brits, then

In order of appearance...

Mika: Insufferable
Beth Ditto: Underused
"The" Osbournes: Grotesque
Take That: Bless
Klaxons: Which ones are the Klaxons?
Rihanna: Hoodie

Fearne Cottons... Now wait a cotton-picking minute (do you see what I did there?)

Why are the public being allowed to decide who wins the Best Single award? The shortlist is already based on the top-selling records of the year, so why not just give the prize to the one that sold the most (Leona Lewis). The phone-in element just ruins the pace of the show, and cheapens the whole affair. They don't let you phone in at the Oscars, do they? No wonder none of the important acts turned up. They thought it was the bloody X Factor.

Adele: Guv'nor
Mika again: Vomitous
Kylie: Not really dancing
Kelly Rowland: Not really Beyoncé
Kanye West: Numbskull
Mark Ronson: Even the voiceover lady points out he shouldn't be given Best British Male
Kaiser Chiefs: Just awful
Kylie again: Best International Female? What must Rihanna think?



Leona Lewis: Wow!



Foo Fighters: Sarcastic
Kate Nash: Fuck off. For the love of God, fuck off.
Foo Fighters: Cheeky
Mark Ronson and Adele and Daniel Merriweather and...
Amy Winehouse!!!!: Jaw-droppingly, monumentally fantastic.



Arctic Monkeys: Girls Aloud wuz robbed
Amy Winehouse again: Wobbly
Take That: Cuddly
Arctic Monkeys: Smirksome
Paul McCartney: Hello, granddad.

And that was the Brits. See you next year, eh?

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