Good grief! Bloody Paula Abdul has been coaxed back into a recording studio by her erstwhile American Idol colleague Randy "I'm not actually very randy at all because I have just eaten all the pies" Jackson.
The result is a song called Dance Like There's No Tomorrow, which rates "quite okay" on the patented discopop okay-ometer (it's made out of science, fact fans).
I wasn't planning to post this before the video came out, but there's not much else around today so here is a fan-film produced by someone with waaaay too many pieces of Paula Abdul clipart on his computer.
Thanks to reality TV, Paula Abdul is opening up her tiny head and inviting us inside to see what makes that rattling noise (hint: not drugs, definitely not drugs). The new show, which has the not entirely gay title "Hey, Paula!!!", is currently being promoted in the US with teaser trailers like this:
If that tiny clip leaves you wanting more, top notch gossip site Defamer has a slightly longer promo, in which we are fed the following "I'm not mad, me" tidbits:
Paula is carried up the stairs like a princess / woman who has had a little too much cheap sex on the beach, or whatever it is they're calling cocktails these days
Paula runs towards the camera like the loveable buffoon / manic coke*-fiend she really is
Apropos of nothing, Paula says "I love you" to a side street
Paula has ten tiny dogs, just like you or I might have if we were incredibly rich and spoilt
We see Paula's bff - her stylist, Daniel. With friends like these, etc, etc...
Paula says very clearly that she is "exhausted" - which presumably serves as an explanation of this disastrous TV appearance:
Inevitably, this will be must-see, car wreck TV. It'll be on Bravo in the US in August, so we'll probably get to see it in 2012, when all the television ever produced fits onto a little tiny white pill. No, Paula, don't eat it... Nooooooooo!
Paula in happier times (1989)
* That's the high sugar caffeine drink, not the Class A narcotic, obviously
Urgh! Why on earth did Prince Charles post a slice of cake to Jamelia?
We all know the USA has become an increasingly tough market for foreign recording artists. But launch.com have perhaps got the wrong end of the stick when they insist that "Coldplay have become only the second British band to have a new entry in the US singles chart."