Bond songs are at their best when they're utterly preposterous. Whether it's Paul McCartney sticking a firework up the bottom of a symphony orchestra, or Madonna intoning, "Sigmund Freud: Analyse this," the tracks that suit the franchise best are the ones that match it for popcorn bombast.
Which is why Daniel Craig's po-faced Bond hasn't really had a classic theme. Even Adele's Skyfall, the best-selling Bond song to date, is a bit flat.
So, what are we to make of Sam Smith's entry into the canon, Writing's On The Wall? It makes all the right moves - a tumescent orchestra, a soaring vocal, and lyrics that delve into the super-spy's psyche: "I've spent a lifetime running, but always get away."
But it's also a little dreary. I can't begin to imagine what the nudie silhouette ladies are going to do during the title sequence. Have a nap? Scroll through Twitter? It's certainly not a song you could have a deep throaty snog to, even if you were as suave as James Bond.
Nonetheless, I suspect this will be the first Bond theme to reach number one (it's already at the top of iTunes). The publicity campaign has been flawlessly executed, and Mr Smith is an artist at the top of his game. Plus, it seems like it's going to be a grower.
A semi-regular round-up of songs I haven't had time to blog about during the week, which is by no means a comment on the relative merits of those songs, although it sort of is when you think about it, isn't it?
I had to wade through 23 Bond films to compile this ridiculous / brilliant / ridiculously brilliant infographic for the BBC News website last month. So I completely sympathise with the utter madness that went into this five-minute mash-up of Bond music from the past 50 years. Best bit: Mixing between the all-time best and all-time worst Bond themes at 2'45".
A selection of headlines about this video:
"The xx go underwater". [Spin]
"The xx hit murky waters" [Consequence Of Sound]
"The xx get wet" [What's Hot]
In other words, you don't need GCSE art studies to fathom (ha!) the basic visual motif.
Over the years, Ciara has been blown about like a wasp in a musical sandstorm. When she's good, she's the master of utterly filthy slow-jams (Ride, Goodies, Love Sex Magic). When she's bad, she makes utterly filthy slow-jams with all the erotic charge of a weetabix (Like A Surgeon, with the inexplicable lyric 'my love's like anasthesia').
Luckily, her new single is in the former category - and it comes with some top-notch choreography-in-a-desert. Watch her kicking up the sand below.
After The Staves, Haim are my next favourite sibling vocal harmony trio of the year.
Their music is an indescribable mix of R&B and folk, with an unexpected Max Martin twist. "I know the dance routine to every Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys song," eldest sister Este Haim told the BBC a couple of weeks ago.
So perhaps it's not too strange that their next single is being released by uber-hip boutique pop label Neon Gold (which launched Marina, Ellie and Gotye in the States). The label announced their new single in a tiresomely breathless blog post this week, describing it as "a breathtaking sunny-side-up megajam pooled from our '80s fever dreams, all morning glory hooks and syncopated goodness."
Didn't I blog about Solange's excellent new single already? No? That's weird. I really thought I had.
Ah well, Losing You fully deserves your attention. It's a beautifully lachrymose ballad, fastened to a scrappy hip-hop loop that sounds like the future of R&B. The video, directed by Melina Matsoukas, features the dapper Congolese gentlemen known as Les Sapeurs.
But I don't feel guilty for waiting so long to discuss the song, because it means I get to post this delicious remix by Cyril Hahn, which drops the vocals down two octaves and gives the song a deep house makeover. It'll be on repeat all weekend at Discopop Towers.
And that's it for this week.... I'm off to celebrate my birthday for a couple of days, after which I've been seconded to the BBC's six o'clock news bulletin for a month. If the blog posts dry up slightly during November, I apologise in advance.
The lyrics are rubbish, aren't they? "My heart burst", "we will stand tall", "feel the earth move". Did they just give Adele a set of James Bond fridge poetry magnets (which is something I would totally buy, by the way)?
Also, is Skyfall a metaphor or a physical place? It is not entirely clear.
