The legendary quiff contest of 2012

Two new videos have popped up on YouTube this morning. One is Sweet Nothing, the excellent new single from Calvin Harris and Florence and the Machine. The other is for One Direction's disturbingly catchy Live While We're Young (Die When You're Old).

I might have made that bit in brackets up.

What both videos have in common - apart from being laser-targetted at number one - is a towering, majestic quiff. Florence has one. Zayn has one. Niall has one. It's all quiff, all of the time.

But whose is the best? And how do they compare the high-rise hairstacks of history? Your vote is requested in this... er, vote.



The videos follow, in alphabetical order, and certainly not order of musical brilliance.

Calvin Harris ft Florence Welch - Sweet Nothing


One Directions - Live While You're Young

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Pop star seriousface showdown

People have been (rightly) praising the new singles by Justin Bieber and British Justin Bieber knock-off, Conor Maynard.

Justin's Boyfriend and Conor's Can't Say No are great radio songs, with just the right balance of R&B swagger and pop brilliance. It's a trick they've stolen from Justin Timberlake but, if he's going to insist on wasting his time hanging around film sets hoping to be the next Brendan Fraser, we'll take what we can get.

The problem comes when these songs appear on YouTube. Justin and Conor have been struck down by a virulent strain of seriousface. They gurn and grimace and contort their faces into expressions that are presumably supposed to convey a heady cocktail of sincerity and sexiness. Instead, they look like someone has rubbed fire ants into their scrotum.

And don't get me started on the "urban" hand gestures. Jesus Christ.

JUSTIN

CONOR

So who does it best? And who is the worst representation of humanity?

It's time for a vote.

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Culture wars, pt 45,334

Here are two versions of Kid Cudi's Day And Night video, one for the US market (tripped out animation, ominous undertones) and one for the UK (girls, binikis, a 'donk'). Which do you prefer?

Kid Cudi - Day and Night (US)


Kid Cudi - Day and Night (UK)

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Soaring through all the galaxies

Poor old Franz Ferdinand. Their really quite good comeback single, Ulysses, is languishing at number 20 in the charts. Perhaps all the people who heard it on Radio One thought they were just playing Take Me Out again.

One other possibility, however, is that people only have room for one song called Ulysses in their record collection - and Franz Ferdinand have been unable to replace the theme tune to 80s space cartoon Ulysses 31 in people's affections.

With that in mind, here is this week's vote:

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Lily Allen's brilliant opinions

We really like Lily Allen's music. It's funny, sad, catchy, clever and generally amazing. But we wish she'd stop promoting it.

Why? Because she always sounds like a tedious, spoilt gobshite. Here are just a few of the headlines Ms Allen has generated since Monday.

:: Lily Allen ended up buying Caribbean beach while drunk
:: Lily Allen wants a rich husband
:: Lily Allen lets slip she's playing Glastonbury
:: "I make no money from my records," says Lily
:: Lily Allen heading to Afghanistan because her pop star life is "vacuous" (????)
:: Lily Allen 'had a lesbian threesome'
:: Lily Allen sent topless photo to Ricky Wilson
:: I have lesbian dreams: Lily Allen
:: Lily Allen claims gay blogger Perez Hilton is a misogynist

How can someone who seems so intelligent and talented come across so unlikeable?

Sadly, she seems to be one of those people who proudly declares she "tells it like it is" and "says things to people's faces". It's the sort of argument that Big Brother contestants use to defend the fact they're being subhuman berks. And it doesn't even work in Lily's case, because none of her opinions - whether on Cheryl Cole (she's a "stupid bitch") or how to solve knife crime ("have a sports day") - reveal an uncomfortable truth or break an outmoded taboo.

Instead, everything she says further reinforces the percption that she's a tedious, spoilt cretin.

So, what do you reckon. Should Lily give up speaking to the press?

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Fan video vs band video

Nebraskan purveyors of off-kilter pop Tilly And The Wall have been given Song of the Day status over at the almighty Popjustice for their current single Beat Control.

But there are two videos doing the rounds - the official one, complete with special effects and a man wearing a watermelon necklace; and one made by a bunch of grade four children at an international school in Taiwan (seemingly led by Justin from Ugly Betty).

So which is best? Watch both and cast your vote below.


Beat Control - the official one


Beat Control - Made in a primary school

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Great big pop showdown

Oasis aren't involved, so it won't make the papers, but this week sees three of the biggest-selling female pop artists in UK chart history facing off in a race for number one... Let's take a look at the contenders:

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The many wigs of Roisin Murphy

In her latest video, dance diva Roisin Murphy dons an Elton-tastic nine (nine!) nutty hairdos. But which is best? Only you can decide...


    The Clown      |   The Hippie    |   Vera Duckworth


Air Hostess   |   Ellis-Bextor   | Rita Hayworth


Peeping Tom |   The Tornado   | Winona Ryder



Oh yes, and here is the video "in full".

Roisin Murphy - You Know Me Better

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Alphabeat: Ace or Un-ace?

I can't decide. What do you reckon?

Alphabeat - Fantastic 6

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Better late than never

I'm about a week behind the times with this, but pop pixellette Robyn has premiered the video for her new single, Be Mine!

Directed by Mat Vitali, it features the Swedish singer writhing around in a furry coat, looking sad in a cafe and wearing a Who's That Girl T-shirt (a reference to one of her album tracks, not the Madonna film, fact fans).

But! Robyn has already got a video for Be Mine, from when it was released in Sweden two years ago. In it, Robyn has no hair, wears a succession of wigs, and looks sad in a bathroom. These two videos are literally worlds apart.

So which one is best? You decide.

Robyn - Be Mine! (version 2007)


Robyn - Be Mine (version 2005)

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