Imagine Zayn and Taylor starred in a remake of Lost In Translation, only set in a much less fancy hotel. This video is essentially all the boring bits between the main scenes.
It is literally a video in which Taylor Swift abusing a pillow is the dramatic highlight.
Like it says above... Here are seven songs you may have missed over the last seven days (and one for luck).
Gorge yourself silly on half an hour of quality pop.
1) Zara Larsson - Lush Life (live)
The song Rihanna should have released as her comeback single gets the Live Lounge treatment.
2) Cassius - Action (ft Mike D and Cat Power)
Daft Punk take a long time between albums but it's nothing compared to their contemporaries, Cassius, who return from a 10-year break with this fiesty firecracker, featuring a real-life Beastie Boy.
3) Zayn - Like I Would
"Talking about it's not my style," declares Zayn, who proceeds to spend the next three minutes talking about it. "It" being "sex", in case that wasn't clear. He's very good at the sex, apparently, but is his assessment really objective?
Still, nice to see his debut album raises the tempo above "moribund" every so often.
4) Kygo - Carry Me
This track by Norwegian DJ and producer Kygo leaked a couple of weeks ago, but now we finally get an HQ version, trailing the release of his debut album Cloud Nine. It continues in the vein of his previous, tropically-flavoured house tracks, confirming him the as the Lilt of dance music.
5) Denzel Curry - Knotty Head (ft Rick Ross)
Florida's Denzel Curry released his "sophomore" (second) album, Imperial, this week describing it as an attempt "to reach my ultimate form", like he's a character from Street Fighter. Still, you can't argue with his ferocious, hardcore raps - and this track is one of the album's stand-outs.
6) Ladyhawke - Sweet Fascination
Remember 2008, when every other post on this blog was about Ladyhawke? Well, on the basis of this new single, prepare for a second onslaught. Superlative synthpop. And the best lyric video of the year.
7) Gallant - Weight In Gold (ft Seal)
As previously noted on these pages, Gallant is a major new talent; and Weight In Gold is a stunning calling card. It now comes with added Seal (and a saxophone solo). How can you resist?
Hidden Bonus Track) Iris Gold - Steve McQueen
Raised on a commune and inspired by 70s psychedelia, Iris Gold turned heads with last year's gauzy R&B jam Goldmine. Some of those heads included Taylor Swift, Robbie Williams and Blur - all of whom have booked her as a support act. Her debut album is shaping up for a summer release, and the latest single should be saved up for your first picnic of 2016.
Zany Zayn Malik has thrown off his boyband shackles and he's at pains to let you know. His debut single, Pillow Talk, is a slowbanger about slow banging. "We'll be in bed all day," he sings, "fucking and fighting... It's a paradise and it's a war zone."
The video is suitably explicit - full of thrusting breasts and soft-focus snogging with his current squeeze Gigi Hadid. You can't help but view it through the prism of One Direction's carefree video shenanigans. This represents everything Zayn was told he couldn't do for the last six years, and he's not holding back.
Crucially, it never comes across as petulance. This is the sound of steam escaping from his internal pressure cooker. And Zayn, a man who seems to take himself very seriously, has clearly poured his heart and soul into the song.
And what's it like? Pretty damned good, actually. Textured, sophisticated and seductive, it wouldn't sound out of place on a sex-era Janet album. A solid 8/10.
PS: Zayn's interview with Zane Lowe - live from Bradford football stadium - is a good listen. The bit where he talks about his recently-departed grandmother will bring a tear to your eye. You can hear it on the Apple Music site.
