Moustache news

Have you seen the new Hoosiers video? It is very odd.

The Hooisers - Choices


Now, amidst all that chaos (the dragon, the melon, the homage to Lost In Translation, the Kung Fu, the Keytar) you may have missed drummer Alphonso Sharland's drastic new haircut.

Hair today


Gone tomorrow


(Sadly, despite repeated invasive surgical procedures, the doctors have never been able to prise open his eyelids).

I met up with The Hoosiers yesterday and we agreed that the loss of Alphonso's moustache was a vital factor in their campaign for chart domination. A furry philtrum is fine if you're in a testosterone-fuelled rock group like the Kings Of Leon. Pop acts, from The Monkees to Girls Aloud, must remain clean-shaven at all times except under the the following circumstances:

A) Any growth is trimmed with a precision bordering on OCD, á la George Michael.
B) It is the 60s and you are John Lennon.
C) You are rocking a Ron Mael pencil moustache, and no-one dares challenge you in case you flip out, club them to death, chop up their bodies with a stanley knife and hide the remains in those suitcases you carry everywhere.



Anyway, if you need further proof of this incontrovertible pop truth, look no further than the new video from cult US band Apples In Stereo.

Called Hey Elevator, it's catchy of tune and summery of vibe. But one look at singer Robert Schneider's face fuzz* and you'll see why MTV hasn't come calling.

The Apples In Stereo - Hey Elevator


* Also, to be fair, his dancing, his demeanour, and his jacket.

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"I'm not dead tonight"

What could be better than coupling a beautiful summer groove with a morbid lyric about overdosing, suicide and indescribable pain?

Nothing, that's what.

Lauren Pritchard - Painkillers


Lauren Pritchard is a 22-year-old from Jackson, Tennessee, who says her songs are inspired by gospel, soul and... er, Billy Joel.

Tonally, her single reminds me of The Young Disciples' epic All I Have In Me, but with a 21st Century, Amy Winehouse spin.

Check out Lauren's MySpace for more music and a free remix of Painkillers (which could be terrible, I haven't bothered to listen to it. What do you want from me? Thorough research?)

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Prince does extreme seriousface

Prince was given the lifetime achievement prize at last night's BET Awards. To celebrate, the organisers made him sit through a 15-minute performance of his own songs by "major artists" you have probably never heard of, and Alicia Keys.

Up-and-coming R&B singer Janelle Monae gave her all to a performance of Let's Go Crazy, at the end of which she was dragged off the stage and committed to an institution; while Patti LaBelle delivered the worst performance of Purple Rain since records began.

Throughout, Prince pulled a face that suggested he'd just been stabbed in the liver and was desperately trying to use the power of his mind to stem the bleeding. Luckily, Alicia Keys managed to pull of a decent version of Adore (one of the best ballads of all time, and that is the truth) and he got up to give her a standing ovation without his liver plopping onto the floor with a soggy splat. It was truly a miracle.

You can watch the whole performance, and Prince's incoherent acceptance speech below. Unless the video has been removed. In which case, use your imagination to recreate the very things I have just described.

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New video: Marina and the Diamonds

Q: What do the lyrics of Marina and the Diamonds' singles teach us?

A: Obsessions tells us "we've got obsessions" which "make us weak". I Am Not A Robot assures the listener that it's okay to have insecurities. Hollywood trashes the American dream as a "golden lie", and Mowgli's Road is something to do with spoons.

All of these are meaningful'n'important life lessons, I am sure you will agree. Especially the one about spoons.

But, as Tori Amos once said, "what's so amazing about really deep thoughts"? We're here for the tunes, and Marina has them in spades. Day-glo flourescent spades with sparkly handles, which dig up gems from melody beach, and tip them onto a pop conveyor belt where they are crushed and remolded into pop diamonds*.

Her new single is "Oh No", which was a last-minute addition to the Family Jewels album. So last minute, in fact, it was absent from a lot of review copies. It was recorded with Greg Kurstin (Kylie, Lily Allen, Britney) and it's a foot-stomping, melodramatic corker.

Like a distillation of Marina's previous songs, Oh No is about self-image, rejecting fame, fear of failure, acting like a machine and wanting to "make a change" (the nature of the change is unspecified, but this endearingly barmy blog post might help).

The video is superb - from the daffy dance routine to the scene where Marina eats an actual money sandwich. See if you can spot all the vintage fashion magazines pastiched by the props department. I noticed The Face and (I think) Sky. Plus, the single cover - like all of Marina's current artwork - is a tribute to Andy Warhol's Interview magazine.

Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!


* Do you see what I did there?

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Glastonbury 2010: Highlights in video

The BBC coverage largely stuck to the Pyramid stage this year, but that's hardly surprising given the quality of the acts on the bill.

Still, if you could be bothered to sit through the Editors for the eightieth year in a row, there were some gems to be found. Here are my totally subjective highlights.


And the highlights in video included:



Scissor Sisters and Kylie - Any Which Way


Mumford & Sons - The Cave


Florence & The Machine - Drumming Song


Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls


Muse and The Edge - Where The Streets Have No Name

Stevie Wonder - Signed, Sealed, Delivered


Marina and the Diamonds - Mowgli's Road

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Glastonbury 2010: The view from the sofa

Another year, another weekend spent in front of the television going "why didn't I buy tickets for this?" Next year I will be tweeting up a storm from Worthy Farm. Mark my words.

Until then, here's a lazy person's view of what they saw on the television this weekend when they weren't treating picnic tables with Ronseal.

Gorillaz flopped. They just don't have the rousing, sing-along choruses of, say, Blur. Or U2.	When The Edge plucked out the opening riff to Where The Streets Have No Name, Muse's spine-tingling Glastonbury set reached its zenith.	Stevie Wonder brought mile-wide grins to everyone’s faces. Superstition, Uptight, Signed, Sealed Delivered. A masterful, remarkable end to the weekend.
In a massive breach of security, Kylie Minogue rushed onto the stage during the Scissor Sisters' set.	Thom Yorke gave us his best Bjorn Borg impression during Radiohead's "surprise" set.	Hot Chip must have built a nest under The Other Stage. How else do they get onto the bill every year?
Shakira presented her bottom to the world like a Baboon in heat.	Marina and the Diamonds did a very good Hammond organ version of Mowgli’s Road while dressed in a comfort blanket.	Phoenix looked very, very French and were very, very good.
Paloma Faith did something totally unpredictable and mad involving balloons.	At one point, the normally calm and measured Mrdiscopop exclaimed: “Kate Nash is as talented as a bucket of sick”.	Snoop Dogg looks like he’s wasting away. Someone should feed him a Bonio.

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