10 reasons why Muse's new single is the second-best song of the year*

1) It is called Supermassive Black Hole and it sounds like Radiohead have seduced Goldfrapp in a seedy bar-room somewhere in London's "respectable" Soho after a heavy night on the shandies.

2) After which, they took each other home and did "it" on a bed of black silk sheets strewn with rose petals (also black).

3) The resulting love-child has been put up for adoption and ended up in the motherly arms of Britney Spears.

4) And then done some of that milky sick down her back while being 'burped'.

5) It is not sung by any ex-members of Blue.

6) In the video, the band wear head-to-toe bodystockings and then have their faces projected on top. Everyone will be doing this in two weeks time, mark my words.

7) Muse fans hate it. "It sounds just like a fucking song to dance to when you're drunk," one complained.

8) It sounds just like a fucking song to dance to when you're drunk.

9) It has leaked all over the internet like a great big goth tear because, you know, of all the pain and suffering in the world. Why do my parents hate me? Maybe I should just end it all, etc.

10) And someone has done a mashup that combines it with Britney's Do Something - which is bound to lead to some really filthy fan fiction in about 15 seconds time.

Right-click this link and select "Save As..." for a sneaky preview

And get supermassive (geddit?!) Britney mashup at Good Weather for Airstrikes

Creep yourself out bigtime by watching the video

* The best single is still Nelly Furtdao's Maneater

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