Katy Perry, Liam Payne and Camilla Cabello: The best and worst of New Music Friday

A mixed bag this week. There's a lot of "third buzz track before the album" activity, with the drop in quality that implies. But some gems are hidden in the mix, so stick around.

Katy Perry ft Nicki Minaj - Swish Swish
Stoking the flames of the Katy Perry / Taylor Swift feud, this is a no-holds-barred diss track. Sample lyric: "Karma’s not a liar, she keeps receipts."

But like Bad Blood before it, the red mist has blinded Katy to her better pop instincts. This is a depressingly pedestrian house groove with neither the bark nor the bite promised by the premise.

It's left to Nicki Minaj to give us some perspective: "Silly rap beefs just give me more cheques".




Selena Gomez - Bad Liar
As previously discussed, this is perfect.





Muse - Dig Down
Which finally answers the question, "What if Muse sounded like Take That?" The answer, as it turns out, is bloody brilliant.





Liam Payne - Strip That Down
Just what we needed: A British Jason Derulo.




RAYE - The Line
I saw RAYE perform this acoustically the other day, and was really impressed. But the single is itchy and over-produced, which smothers the song. It's a strange treatment for a song that discusses the boredom of waiting in line for a club ("yeah, we look like sickness, barely moving inches").




Pumarosa - Lion's Den
A hugely ambitious, six-minute single from doom-laden indie quintent Pumarosa. Like a heavier version of Radiohead's Pyramid Song (which is a recommendation, in case you were wondering).






Danger Mouse ft Run The Jewels and Big Boi - Chase Me
Built around samples from the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion's Bellbottoms and taken from Edgar "Hot Fuzz" Wright's new film Baby Driver, this explodes out of the speakers like a molotov cocktail of awesome.




Royal Blood - Hook, Line & Sinker
A retreat to safe ground after James Bondian thrills of Lights Out. It probably "works better live".




Cigarettes After Sex - Each Time You Fall In Love
This woozy, hazy ballad about doomed love in LA sounds like an unholy union between St Etienne and Lana Del Rey.




Camilla Cabello - Crying In The Club
Interpolates Genie In A Bottle but otherwise sounds like a composite of every pop trope of the last five years. Disappointing, given the buzz about the former Fifth Harmony singer's supposedly flawless pop instincts.




Plan B - In The Name Of Man
"All the soap in the world won't wash away the blood that's on your hands." A song about the religious certitude that sent the UK and US into Iraq 14 years ago. It's safe to say Plan B is not a fan of Tony Blair.




Bebe Rexha ft Lil' Wayne - The Way I Are
"I'll never sing like Whitney but I still want to dance with somebody."

The week's best lyric squandered on the week's worst song.




Oh Wonder - Heavy
A real treat, this. Oh Wonder really flex their vocal muscles, darting around mushrooming synth lines that mirror the heart-bursting love-struck lyrics: "I could hold you endlessly," they swoon. "Stop the world, it's only you." Beautiful.

Well, that's quite enough of that. See you next week!

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Muse briefly stop being rubbish, and three other songs you may havemissed

... And you'd better enjoy them because I'm off on holiday for an ENTIRE WEEK.

Due to time constraints, the summaries of the following songs have been provided by the internet, in its infinite, illiterate wisdom.

1) Muse - Madness
"Devastatingly, arrestingly beautiful." (Music City Post)

"More hints of Queen." (Shaved Tuna)

"Excuse me for sounding a little behind the times, but what the fuck is Dubstep anyway?" (Kingoftheorient - YouTube)




2) Leona Lewis ft Childish Gambino - Trouble
"Trouble was co-written with Emeli Sandé and bears a slight resemblance to her debut hit, Heaven." (Michael Cragg - The Guardian)

"OMG LEONA AND CHILDISH GAMBINO. OMG OMG OMG I CANT." (Lx3 - Twitter)

"Her hair is a mess." (DiEEnE - Popjustice forum)




3) Little Mix - We Are Young
"I couldn't believe what I was watching." (BodyElectric - Digital Spy)

"The first girl the camera focuses on looks like she does not have a single thought in her head." (wotyougot)

"I've eaten one dog biscuit in my life, but who hasn't eaten a dog biscuit?" (Perrie from Little Mix)




4) Grimes - Genesis
"A bit weird" (Addict Music)
"Balls-out crazy." (Idolator)
"Fucking nuts." (Stereogum)

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Muse's Olympics song now has a video

By now, you will know that Muse have written the official song for the London 2012 Olympic Games. It's called Survival, and here at Discopop Directory, we have been given an EXCLUSIVE look at Matt Bellamy's notebook, where he made all his notes for the lyrics.

Oh, alright, we made that up.

As a number of people have pointed out already, the lyrics are beyond corny. But I have some sympathy: Have you ever tried finding a rhyme for "decathlon"?

In any case, I suspect it'll be the instrumental version that soundtracks the key moments of the summer games. On radio, the thumping bombast and hell's choirs sound more over-inflated than Barclay's Libor rate (BLAM - SATIRE!!!!). But watch the video and suddenly the song makes sense. Cut to a montage of iconic Olympics moments, Survival is as rousing and propulsive as Bellamy and Co must have hoped.

Muse - Survival

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Miniature gig review: Muse at Wembley

Last night, I was abducted by aliens and transported to Wembley Stadium, which had been kitted out in the style of Friz Lang's Metropolis for its second visitation by rock's rockingest paranoiacs, Muse.

Football ground gigs are often underwhelming, because it's like listening to music in a chamber of mirrors, so Muse's sound crew deserve some sort of award because the Devonshire trio's wilfully apocalyptic guitar crunch was as sharp as a pin.

They came on stage bearing flags - Matt Bellamy dressed up like a human glitterball, and Chris Wolstenholme in a stripey suit that made him resemble a human humbug. Above them, a tower block of video screens lit up like windows, with the silhouetted occupants holding up placards to spell out the song's radical rallying cry of "they will not destroy us". A clever move - immediately reinforcing the "one for all" bond between the audience and the group, who sometimes suffer from a propensity towards surly introversion.

So the songs bound us together and, when the crowd got hold of a melody, they never let go. Supermassive Black Hole, Plug In Baby and Feelin' Good provided the requisite arms-in-the-sky moments, and I watched three generations of the same family grinding out raucous air guitar licks over the top of Resistance.

If I have a problem with Muse's current material, though, it is this: The backing tracks have taken precedence over the tunes. Matt Bellamy is frequently singing the root note of a spiralling, doom-laden chord progression, his falsetto circling higher and higher into the sky like a vulture. It's dramatic, yes, but sometimes you could tell the crowd were just sticking around for a BIG TUNE - like Starlight or Knights Of Cydonia.

Funnily enough, the Muse messageboards seem a bit underwhelmed by last night's set-list, so maybe the occasional moment of "huh" wasn't unjustified.

But even when the music failed to move me, the early sunset and overcast skies made way for a powerful and atmospheric light show. At one point, Matt even appeared on stage in Neon-lit sunglasses and an LED jacket (I was a bit far away, so it may also have been a regular jacket stitched together with hundreds of digital watches). There was also a floodlit ticker tape explosion, an "actual" UFO and an illuminated, all-seeing-eye looming over the stage.

Big Brother may have been wrapping up on Channel 4, but he was a constant, flickering presence at Wembley Stadium.

SETLIST
Uprising
Supermassive Black Hole
New Born
Neutron Star Collison
Butterflies And Hurricanes
Guiding Light
Hysteria
United States Of Eurasia
I Belong To You
Feeling Good
Undisclosed Desires
Resistance
Starlight
House Of The Rising Sun/ Time Is Running Out
Unnatural Selection
Solider’s Poem
Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture)
Stockholm Syndrome
Take A Bow
Plug In Baby
Knights Of Cydonia

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Glastonbury 2010: Highlights in video

The BBC coverage largely stuck to the Pyramid stage this year, but that's hardly surprising given the quality of the acts on the bill.

Still, if you could be bothered to sit through the Editors for the eightieth year in a row, there were some gems to be found. Here are my totally subjective highlights.


And the highlights in video included:



Scissor Sisters and Kylie - Any Which Way


Mumford & Sons - The Cave


Florence & The Machine - Drumming Song


Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls


Muse and The Edge - Where The Streets Have No Name

Stevie Wonder - Signed, Sealed, Delivered


Marina and the Diamonds - Mowgli's Road

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Muse break out the keytars

The keytar is a mystery. Is it a guitar? Is it a keyboard? No-one knows for sure.

What is certain, however, is that the instrument carries a curse. Sling a keytar over your shoulder and you instantly transform into a grotesque, shaggy-permed wedding singer circa 1987. Or Jean Michelle Jarre.



Now Matt Bellamy of Muse has invited ridicule by slinging one over his shoulder.

Admittedly, Muse have always been on the nerdy side of cool - but Bellamy isn't even using the keytar to summon up awe-inspiring peals of thunder from outer space, he's making plinky-plonky pizzicato string sounds. That's right, the same ones Eternal used to have in all their songs in 1996.



Somehow, though, he pulls it off. I suspect black magic has been involved. How else do you explain the lack of shoulder pads, baggy pants and knowing "ironic" glances to the camera?

Muse - Undisclosed Desires

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We are not a-muse-d

About a million (three) people have sent me this clip of Muse playing their Uprising single on Italian TV. It is hilarious, they all tell me, because the band rebelled when they were forced to lipsync - lead singer Matt faked playing the drums in a comedically exagerrated manner, while the actual drummer pretended to sing the song!



But I wonder if it's really that simple. There must have been a producer in Italy who liked Muse enough to book them for the show. They would have had to propose the idea to their boss, put it forward at a programme planning meeting, and then take on the responsibility of booking transport, dressing rooms and hospitality for the band and their crew.

At this stage, the producer would have raised the issue of lip syncing with the band's PR team. "We're not a rich show," the conversation would have run. "We can't afford to pay thousands of euros to half-a-dozen sound mixers and engineers - so we can't guarantee the mix will be as crisp and detailed as the band would like. Would they mind miming to a backing track instead?" The band's representatives clearly accepted this argument.

But Muse turn up on the day of the show and suddenly decide they're not happy. "We're a real band," they complain. "We don't do miming. This is so unfair". They spit out their dummies, call their mum to whine about the injustice and refuse to get off the tour bus until someone sorts it out. The frantic producer runs between the production office and the megastars' coach trying to reach a compromise. Eventually, the band grumpily agree to do the show.

Broadcast time rolls around. The producer has butterflies in their stomach, hoping Muse don't pull out at the last minute. What if the backing track skips? Will the presenter stick to the carefully-researched questions?

As the segment approaches, the singer is sitting in the drummer's chair. That's a bit strange, but it'll be alright, won't it?

No. Muse make a mockery of the show. The drummer takes the interview questions meant for the lead singer - and the presenter doesn't realise he's not who he says he is. The performance is a disaster. Muse fans write in to jeer and laugh. The producer is hauled in front of the TV station's boss to explain why the channel has been made a laughing stock by this English band.

With that (fictionalised but probably represenative) story in mind, doesn't their behaviour seem petulant and pathetic?

Imagine if you worked in a bakery and your boss said you'd have to whisk the cake batter by hand because the food mixer was broken. If you decided to stick it to the man by switching the sugar for salt, would that be an amusing prank or a sackable offence?

It's not a perfect analogy, but it amuses me to think of Matt Bellamy in a chef's hat.


:: Here's the actual video for Uprising, in which Muse take their job seriously



:: Here's the Veronicas covering the song on Radio One proving (a) they can cut it live, and (b) the song is a bit monotonous when you strip away all the whizz-bang production and sound effects.

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Muse return with unhinged sound collage

It's Queen! It's Andrew Lloyd Webber! It's a Cossack Dance! It's Frank Sinatra! It's a Bond Theme! It's the deranged rantings of a paranoiac! It's Chopin!

In other words: Business as usual for the Museketeers.

Muse - United States of Eurasia


For those of you paying attention, the accompanying video has something to do with Muse hiding bits of the song all over Europe. Fans have spent the last week tracking them down like they were secret agents (not the glamourous ones who do the killing, the other ones who keep notes about what time they turn the lights off in Westminster).

Once all the pieces had been collected, they were stitched together and - hey presto! - a literally quite good album track was theirs for free.

Some people have too much time on their hands, eh readers?

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Mrdiscopop's Top 10 Albums of 2006

Here it is, folks. An entirely "surprising" list of the best albums that have been troubling the Discopop Towers "ghettoblaster" over the last twelve months.




1) Regina Spektor - Begin To Hope
I haven't written nearly enough about how much I love Regina Spektor on these here pages. Every single track on this album, her major-label debut, is magic. As an added bonus, she is stark raving bonkers. One song is about her illicit relationship with biblical strongman Samson. Another discusses how Regina only ate tangerines for an entire month. What marvellous nonsense, eh? Think Tori Amos or Fiona Apple, but with tunes that stick in your head for months, instead of making you think "oh, she's a really accomplished musician, isn't she?".





2) Nelly Furtado - Loose
It's not consistent - there are far too many Timbaland songs that sound like a good beat in search of a melody - but seven or eight of the tracks on Loose are actually perfect. Quite how Nelly transformed from being a bark-eating, yoghurt-knitting world music aficionado with no fans into a globe-straddling pop strumpet is anyone's guess, but who cares? Just sling on your dancing trousers and turn this album all the way up to 10.





3) Gnarls Barkley - St Elsewhere
On first listen this comes across like cats fighting in a dustbin but, with perseverance, it reveals its magnificence like a saucy lady in the Moulin Rouge. Gnarls Barkley are labelled a hip-hop act, but they're far too eclectic and inventive to be filed alongside Nas or 50 fucking Cent. Songs like Who Cares and Transformer are frenetic, majestic and affecting all at the same time. And it's a concept album about mental illness. Yipes!





4) Muse - Black Holes and Revelations
While Gnarls Barkley are just singing about being barking mad, Muse are the real deal. On this album, they're constantly banging on about spaceships, conspiracy theories and a strawberry pony called Helen (I may have made that last one up). But Matt 'spoons' Bellamy sings about it all with such conviction that you kind of accept it. Plus, they've largely ditched the 12-minute axe solos and made tight little poperas that literally explode from your speakers. Warning: Do no listen to this album on a motorway or you will accidentally start going far too fast for your own safety. I know this to be true.





5) Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
Put this album on and you could be forgiven for thinking it was a lost classic from the heyday of Atlantic Records. Except, of course, that the lyrics feature such delightful couplets as "What kind of fuckery is this?" and "You don't mean dick to me". The lady with the potty-mouth is Amy Winehouse, and here she puts Christina Aguilera and Joss Stone in their places by concocting an album of soul standards that sounds fresh and real, rather than a faded facsimile of the real thing.





6) Pet Shop Boys - Fundamental
I have never liked a Pet Shop Boys album before, but this one is superb. Back together with producer Trevor Horn, the PSBs find their form after a very long fallow period. Lead single I'm With Stupid had great lyrics and a so-so melody, but the rest of the CD towers above it - with heart-rending ballads Luna Park and I Made My Excuses and Left the stand-outs. But shame on them for shunting the superior Richard X collaboration, Fugitive, onto a bonus disc.





7) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium
A caveat: This top ten placing is only for the tightened-up, 14 track version of the Chili's double album I put together after sifting through the 38-million songs they puked up halfway through the year. Each of those 14 songs is lifted above the ordinary by John Frusciante's breath-taking guitar playing. Nearly all of the tracks on the album (even the ones I don't like) feature some new sound, clever effect or moment of heart-breaking virtuosity. Damn him.





8) The Raconteurs - Broken Boy Soldiers
The White Stripes, but with discipline, Jack White's side-project proved to be a formidable lesson in classic blues rock. There aren't any major surprises or innovations here - just the sound of four musicians playing their tiny little hearts out. Could do with a haircut, though.





9) Beyoncé - B'day
In which Beyoncé spends the best part of an hour shouting at someone (Jay-Z?) for cheating on her. Whatever personal crisis inspired this album, and no-one's spilling any beans, it was worth it for the music. For the first time in her career, the thunder-thighed scream queen has turned in a CD you can listen to without your finger poised over the skip button. And it was all done and dusted in a week. Kate Bush, take note.





10) Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds
Like Nelly Furtado's Loose, this album is permanently smudged with Timbaland's mucky fingerprints but - unlike her album - there isn't a standout track that overshadows the rest. But there are several gems, from the filthy S&M anthem SexyBack to the tender, Coldplay-esque I Think She Knows (which should have been a full song, rather than a 2-minute interlude). The quality only drops towards the end when Timbaland absconds from production duties - presumably because he eventually needed a bit of a kip.



And that's 2006 done and dusted... And the best thing about it all was that a big"wig" in charge of the record industry suddenly twigged that bloated 80-minute epic albums were all a bit rubbish and issued an edict that all CDs should fit onto one side of a D90 casette (note to youngsters: a cassette is an ipod with moving parts that can hold a laughable 90 minutes of music). Thus, and henceforth, all of the albums above - bar the Chilis - clock in at well under an hour. This is quite literally a-mazing and should be celebrated with a balloon.

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The Discopop Top 10 singles of 2006

Here it is, then, the Discopop Directory Totally Unbiased Top 10 Singles of 2006. As ever, instead of using any critical faculty, this is completely based on iTunes play counts - plus an amazing little bit of algebra that stops records from the start of the year automatically getting to the top of the list. That's what an AS-Level in maths will do for you, folks.

So, from the top...

1) Nelly Furtado - Maneater
Was there ever any doubt that Maneater would top the list? It's a perfectly crafted pop single, starting off with a massive drumbeat that screams "look at me", which is immediately followed (and this is a measure of just how brilliant the writing is) by the line "Everybody look at me".

Do. You. See. What. They. Did. There? Pure genius.



2) The Raconteurs - Steady As She Goes
I was surprised at this, too. Granted, it toddles along very pleasantly with a crunchy guitar hook and one of those melodies they used to write in olden times, when men rode horses and women had big skirts for the hiding of turnips inside. But the song has probably made its way to the top because it's suitable for every occasion. I've played it in the car, at parties, and in my pyjamas. What a saucepot, eh, viewers?



3) Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
This clearly should have been at number two. I'm currently looking at all that maths and trying to see if I got it wrong somewhere.

I hope I get marks for my working out.



4) Amy Winehouse - Rehab
They tried to make her go to rehab. But do you know what she said? She said NO. Thrice.

What's more, she did it all over a pseudo-Motown funky soul backbeat that made everyone go "oooh, she's not half bad, is she?". Top marks, too, for referencing Donnie Hathaway and Ray Charles.

And did you see Winehouse's fantastic appearance on TV pop quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks???





5) Robyn - Konichiwa Bictches
Shame on you, punters, for not buying this sugary slab of fizzy pop. It's as good as a Wham bar, only on CD. Here's a sample of the words in the song, which are completely nutso-bonkers:

I'll hammer your toe
Like a pediatrician
Saw you in half
Like I'm a magician
Tear you down
Like I'm in demolition
Count you out
Like a mathematician

Luckily for you, its being re-released in 2007. Buy it, and slip into a musical diabetic coma.



6) Beyoncé - Irreplaceable
Let's face it, Beyoncé needed a bloody great ballad in her back catalogue to offset all those gloopy Destiny's Child stinkers. This will duly be her pension fund - a great big kiss-off to a cheating partner with not a small amount of ego in the chorus. "I can have another you in a minute" indeed. Get her.



7) Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
Muse generally write ridiculously overblown rock operas that would make Freddie Mercury think: "Actually, that's taking things a bit far", even if he was riding on Liberace's back in a gold lamé jumpsuit at the time. So this three-minute pop song was something of a surprise. Coming on like Britney Spears on one of her dark days, it made Muse fans furious. "It sounds just like a fucking song to dance to when you're at a wedding," fumed one. But isn't that exactly the point, my dear?



8) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
Initially, this sounded like every other Red Hot Chili Peppers song ever. Seven months on, it still sounds like every Red Hot Chili Peppers song ever. But why change a successful formula? In fact, why not just go mental and make a double album of the same song over and over and over again? "Yes, that's what we should do," quoth the Peppers. Marvellous.



9) Nelly Furtado - Promiscous
Hmmm... I suspect this is making an appearance in the Top 10 because its right next to Maneater on Nelly's album, meaning I automatically listen to it at least twice a week. It has a clever lyrical conceit, if you discount all the other duets about a man and a woman chatting each other up - i.e. every duet in history except that one where Nick Cave does away with Kylie Minogues.



10) Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Ooooh
Well, they had to make an appearance, didn't they? The trailer for their hugely successful Greatest Hits album, Ooooh was a proper saucy little dance minx. There was an allusion to the sex act involving the bottom and something about a Toot-toot - which be a veiled reference to a lady's mimsy if I'm not mistaken. Oooh-er.



So, there you have it. If you haven't heard any of these (a) get thee to iTunes forthwith and (b) where have you been all year?

I'll be back in 2007 with my top 10 albums, and a review of Kylie's comeback tour in Wembley. Have a great New Year everyone!

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10 reasons why Muse's new single is the second-best song of the year*

1) It is called Supermassive Black Hole and it sounds like Radiohead have seduced Goldfrapp in a seedy bar-room somewhere in London's "respectable" Soho after a heavy night on the shandies.

2) After which, they took each other home and did "it" on a bed of black silk sheets strewn with rose petals (also black).

3) The resulting love-child has been put up for adoption and ended up in the motherly arms of Britney Spears.

4) And then done some of that milky sick down her back while being 'burped'.

5) It is not sung by any ex-members of Blue.

6) In the video, the band wear head-to-toe bodystockings and then have their faces projected on top. Everyone will be doing this in two weeks time, mark my words.

7) Muse fans hate it. "It sounds just like a fucking song to dance to when you're drunk," one complained.

8) It sounds just like a fucking song to dance to when you're drunk.

9) It has leaked all over the internet like a great big goth tear because, you know, of all the pain and suffering in the world. Why do my parents hate me? Maybe I should just end it all, etc.

10) And someone has done a mashup that combines it with Britney's Do Something - which is bound to lead to some really filthy fan fiction in about 15 seconds time.

Right-click this link and select "Save As..." for a sneaky preview

And get supermassive (geddit?!) Britney mashup at Good Weather for Airstrikes

Creep yourself out bigtime by watching the video

* The best single is still Nelly Furtdao's Maneater

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