Short notes

Remember when you went on school trips to Amsterdam, and someone always bought one of those pens with a woman in a bikini on it? If you tipped the pen upside down, the bikini would float off and - prviding you stood on your head - you could see a real woman all naked?

Well, Will Young has had some made for his Arena tour. Except the woman is actually Will Young. And you don't get to see his man-gherkin.

Last week, I was loving Jamelia's old new song. This week, I'm loving her new new song. Called Beware of the Dog, it samples Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus and it is, in the words of Sharon Osbourne, "fabulous, darling". Get it at here (link via Beauty 'n' The Beat

Speaking of Sharon Osbourne, the X Factor is back on ITV1 at the moment - and it's twice as shameful and patronising as last year. Luckily, Steven from lowculture is keeping tabs on the whole affair on a fantastically barbed blog: The Bitch Factor. Here's a sample:

32-year-old mature student Agnes is next, singing Roxette's 'It Must Have Been Love'. She sings not so much with vibrato as with the aural equivalent of a willow tree in a force nine hurricane. The judges giggle. Agnes is tuneless to boot, but she keeps going. Sharon admonishes Simon and Louis for laughing at Agnes, because of course, she's SO above that. In a break, Sharon tells Simon to be professional and hold it back...

Back from the break, and Kate tells us "the auditions have moved back to Glasgow". O RLY? I don't believe you, Kate. I believe you just did one session in Glasgow and you're showing it in several parts, because that would make more sense from a logistical point of view, so how do you like them apples?

In ooh-thats-good news, overproductive music god Sufjan Stevens is going to release a 5-CD Christmas boxset at the end of the year. Rather frighteningly, given my sluggish rate of output, that means he'll have released seven albums in 12 months. Asthmatic Kitty has the details, and I guess I'm floating has a sample.

Finally, why has no-one ever sampled this?

And why did I not remember the freaky steel drum solo at the end?

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