Tiga ft Madonna - Shoes

Qualitative research proves that this is the best thing Madonna has done since she first picked up a bottle of peroxide and though: "I wonder what I'd look like blonde?".

Okay, it's not that good - but it's a million miles better than the turgid mud-pit that was her last album. The song is called Shoes and it's a classicaly arch bit of synth piffle which would - let's be realistic, viewers - go completely unnoticed if it didn't have the planet's most famous gusset thrusting pop star talking all over the top of it.

The first name on the credits is Tiga, a Canadian-born, privately educated, disco tart of some repute - having done records with Sir Richard of X, Scissor Sisters and Felix Da Housecat.

But you're not really interested in him, are you?

So, with no more ado, for ado is not what we do, here is the song in all it's deadpan glory. It was on Pete "Pete Tong" Tong's show last week, so it has stupid shouty bits all over the top, but you'll get the general idea.

[MP3 removed by request]

NB: Some fans reckon the lady vocal isn't by Madonna, but they're generally of the "Why would Madonna record with someone I've never heard of" variety. Because Madonna always checks her fans' record collections before deciding who to collaborate with.

...Although, that's not such a bad idea, is it? If she comes round to Discopop Towers, I'll lend her the Dragonette and Ladyhawke albums and see what happens. I might hide the promo copy of Morrissey's new album, mind.

Tweet