Lana Del Rey's video review, reviewed

"I love you more than those bitches before."
Blue Jeans is officially the new single from relatively attractive singer-songwriter Lana Del Rey, although the observant amongst you will notice it’s been doing the rounds for nearly a year "on the blogs".

By now, we all know the score on a Lana Del Rey single: Lyrics about seedy motel romance, syupry strings, and a few sparse hip-hop flourishes for the kids. If you like Lana, you’ll like this. If you don’t, it’s not going to change your mind.

The video was published to Twitvid overnight and, while I could spend ages penning a "humorous" review, it’s much more fun to read the Daily Mail’s attempt at describing the moody black-and-white clip.

"Smoking a cigarette, she poses in front of a pool surrounded by palm trees," it begins, accurately.

Then, the next few paragraphs try to cram in as many search engine keywords as is humanly possible. Del Rey is "cavorting" with a "male love interest" and "appears to be naked". Thankfully, the incisive journalistic thrust of Daily Mail’s editorial agenda will not let this shocking claim remain un-investigated. After watching the video in full, their crack reporter can confirm that Lana is not naked, after all, "it is just the water soaking her swim costume that adds to that illusion."

Having cleared that up, it is time to listen to the lyrics. And by listen, I mean "re-print at length". During this cut-and-paste exercise, the reporter notices that some of the words are about death. This leads to some confusion over the video’s imagery - ie Does Lana die at the end of the video, or not?

Our reporter, who earlier decided Lana might have turned into a mermaid (?) finds the lack of certainty incredibly frustrating. "The man puts his fingers into Lana's mouth but it isn't clear if she is supposed to be dead," protests one picture caption.

While floundering to make sense of it all, the reviewer essentially gives up. But this results in the article’s best line – possibly the best line of any review in the history of forever: "Alligators also swim around the pool, adding to the love gone wrong vibe."

Amazing.

You can read the full exposé over here. Or just watch the video. You decide.

Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans

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