Discopop Directory: Top 10 singles of 2016

Hello strangers!

I'm emerging from blog hibernation to post my annual Top 10 list. Hopefully this will prompt a bit more posting in the new year... Fingers crossed.

As usual, my Top 10 is compiled using the play counts in my iTunes library, keeping me honest about the songs I actually listened to, rather than the ones that sound cool. So here they are, in reverse order...

10) Muna - I Know A Place
Brand new girlband Muna put on one of the best shows I saw this year, deep underground in London's Notting Hill - and this was the highlight: A great big exuberant hug for the LGBTQ community (lead singer Katie Gavin wrote a moving essay about the lyrics in Time Magazine, which is well worth a read).

Played live, it's one of those coming together moments, where the whole club - from the cloakroom to the drum riser - jumps up and down in unison. The recorded version loses some of that energy, but emerges as a terrific singalong, nonetheless.




9) Zara Larsson - Lush Life
When I first heard Lush Life, I thought it was Rihanna. But apparently she only does life-affirming pop songs for Calvin Harris these days, leaving an open goal of Zara Larsson to score one of the year's biggest breakthrough hits. Looking forward to the album next year...




8) Shura - What's It Gonna Be?
This would have made it into the Top 10 for the John Hughes-inspired video alone. But luckily What's It Going To Be is also a perfect happysad pop banger in its own right, so everybody wins.




7) Ariana Grande - Into You
I wished Ariana Grande's Dangerous Woman album had been a little bit more... well, dangerous. Imagine if she'd fully committed to the promise of the title track, recording a dozen dusky showtunes, draped over a piano like Michelle Pfieffer in The Fabulous Baker Brothers. It could have been a classic. But then we'd never have gotten this - a sexy, synthy prelude to an historic romp under the sheets.

For once, old cat ears sounded like she just might start purring.




6) Selena Gomez - Hands To Myself
"I mean I could, but why would I want to." It's the sort of line Lauren Bacall would have said to Humphrey Bogart in the 1940s, but in a pop song. Amazing.




5) Drake ft Kyla and WizKid - One Dance
Confession time: I can't stand Drake. His drowsy, monotonous voice is my own personal chloroform. And yet... and yet... One Dance is just so deliciously moreish.

Maybe it's Kyla's coy, come-hither hook; maybe it's that outer space piano; or maybe it's the sinewy, arabesque guitar line. But it gets me every time.



4) Grimes - Kill v Maim
According to Grimes, "Kill v Maim is written from the perspective of Al Pacino in The Godfather Pt II. Except he’s a vampire who can switch gender and travel through space."

Amazingly, it comes close to matching that description; while the visuals look like a Manga cartoon and a sweet shop threw up over Michael Jackson's Bad video. A signpost for the future of pop. In 2187.



3) Christine & The Queens - Tilted
A dance track about being so awkward, your feet won't do what you tell them. A work of genius in both the English and original French versions.




2) Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop The Feeling
Total fluff. A flimsy song for a flimsy film. But put Justin Timberlake in the same room as Max Martin and you're guaranteed some pop magic. Listen to the playful way JT elongates the word "aaaaaaand" in the chorus; Or the casual way they throw in a gargantuan sing-along hook in the last 20 seconds, forcing you to rewind and start again, just to get more of that exquisite sugar rush.




1) Solange - Cranes In The Sky
My favourite single of 2016 was, in fact, written in a hotel room in 2008. An essay on depression and escapism, it was kept in a drawer for eight years, until Solange dusted it off and used it as a template for A Seat At The Table. Like the rest of the album, it's an elegant, dignified response to harrowing experiences, and a truly exceptional song.

I couldn't resist it - and nor could my kids (which might explain the higher-than-expected placing in this countdown, to be fair).

It was a good year for singles. So, if you're interested, the next 10 would have been:

11) Beyoncé - Hold Up
12) Radiohead - Burn The Witch
13) Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman
14) The Chainsmokers ft Halsey - Closer
15) Rag N Bone Man - Human
16) Lady Gaga - Million Reasons
17) The Weeknd ft Daft Punk - Starboy
18) All Saints - One Strike
19) Lissie - Don't You Give Up On Me
20) Glass Animals - Life Itself

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Justin Timberlake brings the good vibes, buys Coco Pops

Isn't it strange to live in a world where JT is pop's second best Justin? I don't think any of us saw that coming.

Anyway, old trousersnake wants to correct that temporary rift in the fabric of the musical universe, so he's putting a phenomenal amount of effort into promotiong his new single, Can't Stop The Feeling, performing it at Eurovision, playing with Anna Kendrick at the Cannes Film Festival and popping up on Ellen to premiere the video.

The campaign is so overwhelming that I checked to see whether Justin has a financial interest in the Trolls movie (from which the song hails). But no. He just really, really believes in it.

I didn't, at first. It feels like the default Justin Timberlake song. The one you get after you replace his batteries and reboot his operating system. But after a few listens, it's really grown on me (and I'm not alone - Justin is number one in the midweek chart update). Can't Stop The Feeling is that rare thing: A citrus sunburst of positivity, all smiles and sunny vibes.

Wisely, the video capitalises on that. Much like Pharrell's Happy, it features a cast of normals shaking their "thang" to the irresistible groove (my favourite is Philip).

It's so infectiously joyous I almost started dancing on the train. But, being British, I just tapped my toes and hoped no-one noticed.

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New Music Friday: Timberlake, Dua Lipa and the rest...

THERE'S SOME NEW MUSIC. AND IT'S FRIDAY. IT MUST BE NEW MUSIC FRIDAY.

Here are a few brand new "jams" to spread on your musical toast.

1) Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop The Feeling
Perfectly acceptable stop-gap between "proper" albums. Not his finest work.

Also, anyone who's ever sat awkwardly in a room while an artist cues up their new material will know how unrealistic the video is.




2) Dua Lipa - Hotter Than Hell
This is a song about "a really horrible relationship - one that went off the rails," Dua told me earlier this year. Don't worry, though, this isn't a gruelling trudge through her emotional wreckage. No, it's a total banger.

Note the "unusual choice for the YouTube "hero image".




3) Jake Bugg - Love, Hope and Misery
This is really good. Like a Paolo Nutini ballad, only more nasal.




4) James Blake - Radio Silence
After appearing on Beyonce's Lemonade, James Blake has Beyonced his own album, and this is my favourite track (initially, at least).

Meanwhile, there's a big interview with James over on The Guardian today, which features one of the most name-dropping paragraphs in pop history.

It reads: "Madonna called his music 'the kind of thing that makes me jealous', and told him so over the phone while he was in the studio with Kanye West, who has publicly called him 'Kanye’s favourite artist'. Joni Mitchell, one of his heroes, gave him career advice after a show. He has been covered by Lorde and sampled by Drake. Listen to artists including Jack Garratt, Låpsley and FKA twigs, or the melancholy, nocturnal end of hip-hop, and you hear echoes of Blake everywhere."

James's response to all of this? "That's nice."




5) Gallant - Bourbon
"I love in cold blood," is a fantastic lyric. The whole song is fantastic, to be honest.




6) Ariana Grande - Into You
Ariana's new album is shaping up to be very good indeed.




7) Charli XCX - Explode
This is taken from the Angry Birds movie, but don't hold that against it. Charli's best work often comes on movie soundtracks - Boom Clap, Kingdom, etc, etc.




8) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dark Necessities
This has a really dramatic slow building intro, then Flea jumps in with a trademark slap-thonk bassline and it's business as usual.

Anthony Kiedis' most ridiculous lyric this time round: "You're like ice cream for an astronaut".




9) Skepta - Man
"Upset because your wife is a fan / She done with the little boy / Now she wants to be with a man."

Skepta is on show-stopping form right across his new album, Konnichiwa. Not for the faint-hearted.

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Andrew Garfield joins Arcade Fire and 10 other songs you may have missed

A semi-regular round-up of songs I didn't quite get round to blogging over the last week... Lots of A-listers in this selection, plus a song about an elephant.

1) Arcade Fire - We Exist
We Exist contains one of the stand-out lyrics on Arcade Fire's Reflection - telling the story of a gay kid talking to his dad: "Daddy, it's true, I'm different from you. But tell me why they treat me like this?"

The video stars Spider-Man's Andrew Garfield as a victimised, alienated transvestite, who finally finds acceptance during Arcade Fire's set at Coachella earlier this year.

It's also got an amazing, Footloose-inspired "angry dance" sequence.


2) Michael Jackson ft Justin Timberlake - Love Never Felt So Good
The concept for this Michael Jackson video is: Michael Jackson is dead, so let's get a load of grinning imbeciles to dance around while we piss on his grave.

At least Justin Timberlake has the decency to look embarrassed by the whole thing.



3) Coldplay - Always In My Head
The songs on Coldplay's new album are the most direct and heartfelt they've recorded since their debut. Chris Martin sounds smaller and humbler, and the delicate arrangements frame his voice with negative space.

A case in point is the softly mesmerising album opener Always In My Head - which got a live outing on Jimmy Fallon's show earlier this week.



4) Charli XCX - Boom Boom Clap

I wrote about this song, from the soundtrack to The Fault In Our Stars, a couple of weeks ago. Now it now looks like it'll be set free from the movie and released as a single in its own right.

A video was shot in Amsterdam a week ago but, for now, we have to make do with the lyric video.



5) Iggy Azaelea ft Charli XCX - Fancy
Speaking of Charli XCX, she popped along to the Jimmy Kimmel's chat show this week to perform the teen rebel anthem Fancy with Leggy Azalea. I like how she sits out the verses on the steps, looking moody, instead of dancing around aimlessly.



6) Damon Albarn - Mr Tembo
The sole moment of levity on Damon's mid-life-crisis of a solo album, Mr Tembo is a song about an elephant he wrote for an unrealised children's album.

Apparently, the first time the elephant heard the song, it shit itself.




7) Nonono - Hungry Eyes
Nonono's industrially adhesive Pumpin' Blood never charted over here (partly due to the record label dicking around with the release date until everyone lost interest) - but their debut album is selling faster than pickled herring in Sweden.

Hence this remix, by fellow Swede Kleerup, which is something of a triumph.





8) Nero - Satisfy
It's four years since Nero's debut album but they've lost none of their power. With vocals from Alana Watson, Satisfy is more intense than two days in a human centrifuge.




9) Naomi Pilgrim - House of DreamsNormally, I hate the continuous play function on Soundcloud... If I want to listen to another song, I will bloody well click on it myself, thank you very much.

But when this song by Naomi Pilgrim popped up after La Roux's new track earlier this week, I was transfixed. Swedish-Barbadian singer Naomi Pilgrim may have got her start singing backing vocals for Lykke Li, but her own music is an altogether sunnier affair.

"This is my palace, this is how I live. I'm staying here all day," she sings, in a soulful ode to duvet days. Beautiful.




10) Nick Mulvey - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Shock news: An indie artist has played a minor-key cover of pop song in the Live Lounge. Still, this reworking of Taylor Swift's break-up anthem is a cut above the rest: Not least for the intricate fretboard work.

Nick will be on Jools Holland next week, if you like this sort of thing.




11) Gorgon City - Never Too Far (ft Laura Welsh)
Just added to Radio 1's playlist, this Gorgon City's follow-up to the excellent Ready For Your Love.

Lots of sub-bass here, as you might expect.

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Michael Jackson's new but also 31-year-old single is actually quite good

Hey! And indeed Presto!

Here's the new-old Michael Jackson single Love Never Felt So Good. Originally recorded with Paul Anka (ask your dad) in 1983 (again, ask your dad) it's been given a fresh lick of paint by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake.

Amazingly, they've resisted the temptation to turn it into a snoozeworthy 14-minute "jam". Top marks for getting the cowbells from Don't Stop Til You Get Enough out of the retirement home.

Michael Jackson - Love Never Felt So Good (ft Justin Timberlake)

Love Never Felt So Good is taken from a new album of songs that didn't meet Jackson's quality threshold undiscovered gems, which have been reimaginised and updatified by top flight producers like Rodney Jerkins and Stargate and so forth.

While Timbaland has done a sterling job on his cut, I do think he's lost some of the joyous spontaneity of Jackson's original demo - which you can listen to here. Luckily, both versions will be on the album, called Xscape, when it comes out on 13 May.

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Ten songs you may have missed: A lazy journalism special

Hello!

I'm technically on holiday this week, but there are tons of good videos pouring out of the pop funnel, so I thought I'd compile a slapdash "Songs You May Have Missed" update. Rather than the usual "unique take" on this week's releases, I am literally cut and pasting what other, more committed music websites are saying. You're welcome.

1) Kelis - Rumble
"The video sees Kelis performing the track whilst sat on a chair in the middle of a lake." [Chartshaker]




2) The Black Keys - Fever
"Twangy organs and tinges of ambiance" [Consequence of Sound]




3) Pixies - Snakes
"A group of papier mache-headed bandits plan a robbery"
[Rolling Stone]




4)Justin Timberlake - Not A Bad Thing
"El vídeo se presenta como un «documental sobre la búsqueda del amor», basado en la supuesta historia de una pareja real en la que el hombre pidió matrimonio a su novia en un tren rumbo a Nueva York."
[El Remix]




5) Tinashe - 2 On (ft Schoolboy Q)
"The song is an ode to getting turnt (??) and getting even more turnt (????) — too turnt up to function, if you will (?????). Built around a slinky, snap-heavy beat, the track is an earworm in the same way Cassie's Me & U and Ciara's Goodies became instant bump/grind, pop/lock smashes." [Kick Kick Snare]




6) Kylie - Sexercize
"In my opinion it's a really bad choice as a single."
[Josepvinaixa - who nonetheless posts five alternate cuts of the video]




7) London Grammar - Devil Inside
"A snippet of London Grammar‘s eerie cover of INXS' 1989 hit Devil Inside can be heard in the latest Game Of Thrones trailer but the British trio has kindly shared the full version on their SoundCloud. The Strong hitmakers transform the moody rock song into a bare-bones ballad that more than does justice to the original." [idolator]





8) Dominique Young Unique - Throw It Down
"It's like some weird morph of M.I.A. and Azealia Banks, but I think I like Dominique Young Unique"s new video" [Wotyougot]




9) Royal Blood - Little Monster
"My mind just got a little more blown by the fact these riffs are coming from Mike Kerr's bass guitar!" [Some Kind Of Awesome]




10) Lady Gaga - G.U.Y.
"Really though, what the actual fuck is going on here?" [Jezebel]

Not bad, huh? Even the Lady Gaga video is worth watching, although I don't think it's going to turn the ArtPop album campaign around. Don't be put off by the 12-minute running time, by the way, the last four minutes are credits.

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Discopop Directory: Top 10 albums of 2013

Squeaking in at the last possible moment, here's my countdown of the Top 10 albums of 2013 (as played in our house). The usual terms and conditions apply: It's all based on iTunes playcount, so Kanye West's brilliant-but-abrasive Yeezus album doesn't get a look-in, while Lissie's happy-days rock opus Back To Forever does. It's as simple as that.

So, in reverse order....

10) Chvrches - The Bones Of What You Believe

And on the seventh day, Chvrches built a gleaming Jenga tower of emotive synth-pop. And verily, it began to wobble every time the beardy bloke wrestled the microphone out of Lauren Mayberry's hands. (Seriously, dude, let it go.)

Putting aside the po-faced muso moments, The Bones Of What You Believe is a gargantuan collection of anthemic pop. It even went to number 12 in the US, meaning Mayberry had to employ a "hamster carer" while she was off on tour. And they said success wouldn't change them...



9) Everything Everything - Arc

Dialling down the annoying vocal somersaults of their debut seemed to lose Everything Everything a few fans, but to me Arc is the far superior record.

Take Duet, for example, which appears to be a love song between 007 and a Bond Villain ("of all the dead volcanoes on Earth you just happened to retch and roll through mine"). Armourland, meanwhile, is the sound of Timbaland's interrupted dreams fed through a ZX Spectrum. But, crucially, the melodies are more coherent and the songs more songy.

It was all intentional, too. After hearing their debut one too many times, singer Jonathan Higgs thought to himself: "I wish I'd shut up. Every song was kind of 'woo-ah-woo' and I got tired of it."



8) Daft Punk - Random Access Memories

When many would have settled for Get Lucky x12, the Francobots went conceptual. Random Access Memories is an eccentric labour of love. A tribute to the men who inspired them: From Giorgio Moroder, narrating the story of how he invented disco, to Nile Rodgers, whose choppy guitar lines give the album every ounce of its soul.

But the masterstroke was employing Paul "So You Wanna Be A Boxer" Williams, to write and perform Touch. Inspired by a book about life-after-death experiences, the song is purportedly about a robot that's becoming human. But I defy you to hear a man who survived chronic, crippling alcoholism singing, "If love is the answer, you're home" without tearing up just a little.


7) Lissie - Back To Forever

Free-wheeling, open-chord rock with – YES! – guitar solos aplenty, Back To Forever is a great big sloppy kiss of a record.

Packed with mammoth choruses (Further Away) and rock-solid radio hits (Sleepwalking) it made a virtue of Lissie's easygoing southern charm, even when she was furiously ranting about US environmental policy on Mountaintop Removal (better than it sounds, I promise).

Radio 2 quite rightly played the crap out of it... And so should you.


6) Janelle Monae - The Electric Lady

Janelle Monae sheds pop songs like the rest of us shed skin flakes. The Electric Lady is every bit as audacious and inventive as her debut, its impact only slightly dulled by familiarity.

Eagerly cherry-picking from R&B, hip-hop, doo-wop, film scores and swooping torch songs, Monae's ambition and control of her material can be summed up with one fact: She got Prince to agree to a duet then relegated him to backing vocals. Astonishing.


5) Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience (Part One)

"You could liken my chemistry with Timbaland to Marty Scorsese and Robert De Niro," said Justin Timberlake, taking self-importance to epic proportions as he promoted his 20/20 "Experience". Like Scorsese, he struggled with brevity, turning in an album stuffed full of seriousface 8-minute "jams" about his luxuriant sex life.

So I set about it with a pair of electronic scissors and created a pared-down 42-minute edit. Suddenly, the sprawling R&Boreathon became a taut pop classic (if I do say so myself).

The best bits: Timberlake channelling Lionel Ritchie's All Night Long on Let The Groove Get In, and the vocal hat-tip to N'Sync's Dirty Pop on Strawberry Bubblegum.


4) Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires Of The City

Giddy and playful, Vampire Weekend's third album saw them ditch the collegiate robes and grow up a little. But only a little.

Unbelievers is an utterly daft, summery pop song about going to hell at the hands of Christian fundamentalists; while Diane Young finds Ezra Koenig mucking about with an autotune to create the unlikeliest hook of the year.

Musically, it was more reflective without straying too far from the Vampire Weekend "upper west side Soweto" formula (they've never met a harpsichord they didn't love) but Koenig also hinted it was the "end of a trilogy". 

At the Q Awards, he told me the band hadn't worked out "phase two" yet "but whatever comes next, I'm sure it's gonna be different." 

I can't wait.

3) Beyoncé - Beyoncé

No matter how brilliant your record, there's always someone waiting to pour a bucket of scorn on it. In Beyonce's case, it was second-rate gossip website Mediatakeout, who claimed her whole "surprise album" plan was hatched because Sony thought the record was a dud and wanted to bury it. How wrong they were.

Instead, Beyonce got the best reviews of her career with a suite of slow, complex, introspective songs that rely on atmospherics as often as they do killer hooks. And, for once, a self-titled album kept it's promise of revealing the person behind the persona: Beyonce sings about marital difficulties and miscarriage with the same startling honesty she uses to describe her "pink skittles". (Don't ask).

Oh, and did I mention there were 17 videos? 17 VIDEOS!


2) Haim - Days Are Gone

The hardest-working band of 2013, Haim had to piece together their debut album while honouring a never-ending schedule of tours, TV shows and festival appearances. Not that they minded too much: "What's a day off? I don't give a fuck," Este told Rolling Stone. "I will do this until my tits are at my knees."

Days Are Gone finally arrived in September and it is something of a triumph - all hair-tossed pop hooks and nimble-fingered bass guitar. 

Someone recently described it to me as "Fleetwood Mac welded to Phil Collins' 1980s drum machine". I couldn't have put it better myself.


1) Arcade Fire - Reflektor

Pre-release, I was allowed to listen to Reflektor once, in the basement of a posh London club, while I was force fed parma ham. Regular readers may recall it didn't go well – I described the record as an "awful, trebly mess".

Turns out it was nothing of the sort. Unexpectedly lithe and funky, Reflektor has more hidden depths than a subterranean volcano. At times, the band don't quite seem in control of what they're doing – there's a scrappy tempo-change on Here Comes The Night that sounds like they're freewheeling down a hill on an unfamiliar bike - and it's all the more thrilling for it.

The album's dancefloor undercurrents were inspired by the Haitian carnival, midwifed by James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem and endorsed by pop royalty. "There was this amazing day when I was working on the lyrics to the song Reflektor [and] I met Grace Jones," singer Win Butler told Mojo. "She was on the beach playing with her grand-daughter. I played her an early version of Reflektor and she started dancing immediately.

"I'm like, 'All right! Grace Jones is dancing to our song – we’re definitely doing something right!'"

Recommendations don't come any stronger than that.

So that's this year's countdown. I've put a playlist of tracks from the Top 10 below which should keep any New Year's Eve Party in good spirits for an hour or two... See you in 2014!



UPDATE - JANUARY 2014: I belatedly realised that I'd forgotten to count Charli XCX's True Romance when I was compiling the chart. You can find out where she would have come in the Top 10 by visiting this page.

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Discopop Directory: Top 10 Singles of 2013

Right then: The best singles of the year. And what a year it's been. The singles chart was as vibrant and exciting as the albums one was disappointing and lacklustre. There was a lot of "mid-tempo" and a lot of twerking, but you won't see any of that here. As usual, the top 10 is compiled from my iTunes playcount because, otherwise, I simply can’t be trusted to tell the truth. So, here we go in reverse order:

10) Vampire Weekend – Diane Young

In which Ezra Koenig - a man whose name represents the worst Scrabble rack of all time - does his best Buddy Holly impression over a frenetic surf guitar line. With a vocoder. Fast, thrilling, and utterly, utterly undanceable, it is nonetheless a great song.

Koenig claimed the real Diane Young was "about 5 foot 10" and "fairly attractive". But she's really just a homonym for "dying young", which was the song's original title until the band decided it was too gloomy.

9) Demi Lovato – Heart Attack

It takes a brave composer to write lyrics in 72-point bold type capitals; and it takes an even braver singer to perform them that way. But Demi "Tomato" Lovato pulls it off – conveying a sense of frailty at the same time as she bellows out the chorus with the sort of force that could capsize a battleship.

Yes, it might be pop by numbers - but the maths is flawless.

8) Justin Timberlake – Mirrors

Great song, but I still don’t understand what he's doing with a pocket full of soap.

7) Arctic Monkeys – Do I Wanna Know?

Sleazier than Robin Thicke frantically rubbing himself through an overcoat, Alex Turner's ode to obsession marked a stunning return to form for the Arctics. Built around a swampy guitar riff Do I Wanna Know was lascivious, sordid and constantly on the cusp of... well, you get the picture.

6) Katy Perry – Roar

With a chorus two times bigger than an elephant (and thrice as nimble) Perry was the leopard-print victor of the year's biggest pop battle (turns out that obedient Applause is no match for a feral Roar). It's just a shame the rest of Katy's album was such a dreary therapy-speak borefest.

5) Little Mix – Move

All great pop songs should pull the rug out from under your feet and, on Move, Little Mix sent carpets flying like Aladdin [please stop – tortured metaphor ed].

It's all there: The stomach drop when the first bridge fails to resolve into a chorus; the "iknowthatyouwannastaycoolinthecorner" mid-section, the bum-rattling bass. A clever, brave single by a manufactured pop band that, for once, are in complete control of what they’re doing.

4) Haim – The Wire

Danielle Haim sings like she's got the hiccups and it's glorious. But on The Wire all three Haim sisters got the chance to shine. Each of them admits they bottled it when some guy told them "I love you". Poor some guy.

3) Zedd ft Foxes – Clarity

A tidal wave. A supernova. A bloody great pop song. Yeah, so the lyrics are mostly nonsense ("A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again??") but, oh my God, that chorus is a force of nature.

2) Lorde – Royals

They say a genius is just the first person who dares to say something everyone else is thinking. By that token, Lorde's decision to write a lyric that said: "Hold on, every single bloody recording artist on the planet, I've suddenly realised I don't care about how many diamond chains you own, ok bye" made her the biggest pop genius in 2013.

1) Duke Dumont ft A*M*E - Need U (100%)

It sounded like a classic the first time I heard it, and it still sounds like a classic now. An snappy, irresistible nugget of handbag house it was arguably responsible for a major 1990s revival in 2013, so we can hold Duke Dumont responsible for next year's inevitable Whigfield comeback. Until then, I defy you not to dance to this.

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R Kelly is a sex genius, and six other songs you may have missed

A semi-regular round-up of The Music Of The Internet, which may otherwise have escaped your attention over the last seven days.

1) R Kelly - Genius
"Tonight you're lying with a sex genius," purrs the ever-classy R Kelly from beneath the silken sheets of his circular waterbed. "We're both so freakin' hot, we don't wanna freakin' stop." Damn.

Things to ponder while you listen to this:
:: More than 10,000 people have signed a petition to have Ignition (Remix) made the US National Anthem
:: R Kelly's new album is called Black Panties.





2) Katy B - 5am
Katy is back where Katy should be: On the dancefloor, where "that beat's so sick, that tune's so ill". Also, the melody has a temperature and the bassline has a hurty elbow.





3) Kanye West - Bound 2 (live on Jools Holland)
The absolute best YouTube comment on this performance came in the form of a response to a cretin who accused Kanye of having "no talent" and "just speaking into a microphone whilst doing silly moves".

"You do it then," spat the reply. "I'm fucking serious... What's so good about speaking into a microphone? All that F1 drivers do is drive in circles. All that footballers do is kick a ball around. All that surgeons do is cut people open and remove stuff... It's not though, is it?"

I think Kanye might have written that himself. Presumably while a BBC employee ironed his carpet.




4) Prides - Out Of The Blue
Angular synth-pop, endorsed by CHVRCHES, with whom they share some DNA. Of course, we all share some DNA with CHVRCHES. We share 50% of our DNA with a banana. That's just science.




5) Katy Perry - Roar (Rock remix)
It's not clear if this is an official reworking or a clever bootleg, but Perry's Roar sounds surprisingly awesome with additional plank spanking. The best Blink 182 song you've never heard.




6) James Arthur - You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You
Helpfully abbreviated to YNTSLY by his record label, this is X Factor winner James Arthur's first "proper single" after last year's number one Impossible. With brittle horn stabs and a dustbins-in-a-hurricane drum track, it's a good effort in a post-Rudimental sort of way.

The only problem is his vocal - he starts off with such an almighty "I'm a proper singer" roar that there's nowhere left to go for the next four minutes. The result is a track that blusters instead of blowing you away.




7) Justin Timberlake - TKO
Bring the beatbox back! Posted late last night, this Timbaland-heavy single is the second release from JT's much-anticipated 20/20 Experience Volume Two.

If you think the scratchy, sinister groove is a little heavier than the singles from Volume One, you'd be right. "The songs that I released in March just reminded me of summertime," he told On Air with Ryan Seacrest. "The songs that are coming out this month felt a little darker so they made me feel like... the fall/winter collection."

And that's all for now... Have a great weekend, and send any tips for next week's roundup to the address at the bottom of the page!

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The MTV awards in gifs, pics, a vine, a soundbite and a video

Justin Timberlake was the big winner at last night's VMAs but nobody watches it for the awards, do they? Here are the best bits in "this video has been removed due to a copyright claim from Viacom Ltd" form.


Lady Gaga glued her eyes open by accident.


But her multi-wigged performance of "Applause" was a triumph.


Even if the dancers looked a little confused at the end of it.


Pharrell cycled to work.


The rest of Daft Punk probably arrived on a spaceship -
but they failed to perform or win any awards :(


In fact, Get Lucky inexplicably lost best song of the summer to One Direction.


Taylor "shut the fuck up" Swift was not amused. And she wasn't the only one...

One Direction were loudly booed as they took their prize.
Which led to Lady Gaga giving them an exceptionally cute pep talk backstage.



Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus did this sort of thing a lot.


And showed how she failed her interview to be a London 2012 Games Maker.


The Smith family were distinctly unimpressed by the hoedown throwdown.


Robin Thicke managed to be an even bigger sleaze than ever.


Rihanna looked thrilled just to be part of it all.


Kanye West performed in the dark.


TLC reunion!!


Justin Timberlake basically got to perform his own concert.


Which included this incredible N*Sync moment.


...As well as this one.


Taylor Swift seemed to enjoy this one.


Katy Perry closed the show by skipping under the Brooklyn Bridge.


It was the most traditional performance of the night...


...But it chose a theme, stuck to it, and didn't fall back on gimmicks or nudity.
Well done, Katy.


THE END.

So that's the awards "in full". They're on MTV UK later tonight, and pretty much every other night until the end of the month. If you don't have time to sit through it all (there's a performance from Drake, FYI) the best bit is Justin's mind-blowing 15-minute hits medley, which incorporates Led Zeppelin's Kashmir and Rapper's Delight, amongst other thing. It's incredible.

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