Some distracting materials from the internet!!!1

Because Fridays are all about mucking around on the web and waiting for the moment you can run out the office door and go to the pub. Don't forget your jacket.

The Spice Girls are (still) back! They have all put on something black and lined up in front of a man with a camera, who pressed a button and took a photo, which he sent to their record label, who asked the Spice Girls to approve it, which they did, and then the proof was scanned and given to a press person, who sent it to journalists, who put in on the internet. And then I copied it and pasted it here. Look:

While appearing on Conan O'Brien's US chat show to promote his new comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, Adam Sandler was asked to introduce a clip from his new movie. Conan then played a scene from a gay porn film, featuring men who get off on fattening each other up. Nice:

Play your favourite 1980s aracde game here. Paperboy is still a work of unfettered genuius.

Uberblog Pop Star Poetry imagines Ray Winstone meeting up with Amy Winehouse:

To The Ivy for lunch
With Quentin Tarantino
We rap about political
Subtext in The Beano

Onetime discopop fantasy figure Mary Louise Parker bares (almost) all to promote the upcoming season of Weeds. But is that really her bottom?

"Angelina Jolie is the best woman in the world because she is the most famous woman in the world". Esquire magazine writes the worst celebrity profile in the world.

Listen to the fantastic remix of Justin Timberlake's Lovestoned by dance supremos Justice. A gazillion better times better than the original, I swear.

Take a look at this clickable map of Lindsay Lohan's slow-motion self-destruction and ask yourself the following question: "Is this the future of interactive reporting, or just sickening voyeurism?"

What are Tom and Katie doing in this photo?

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Tom Cruise is okay after all...

From this week's popbitch:

"New York DJ Mark Ronson was hired to play at Tom Cruise's wedding. For amusement, he decided to play Take My Breath Away, the big hit from Cruise's most famous film Top Gun. Far from being annoyed, Cruise pushed through the dance-floor to the DJ booth, laughingly made shooting gestures with his index fingers at the DJ, then danced away again happily."

That's just sent Tom Cruise soaring back up in my estimation. Now he's roughly on par with... oh, I don't know, Ryan Seacrest. (That's above kill-on-sight, but below slam-door-in-smug-fucking-face).

But why didn't Mark Ronson play Bob Seger's Old Time Rock and Roll? Maybe then Cruise would have re-created the old Risky Business scene where he dances around the living room in his undergrundies. Ah well, we can always dream...

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This weekend in two pictures

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes get married in their secret subterranean lair, under the watchful, loving eye of Satan.


Earlier, Katie made a desperate last-ditch attempt to escape the rat-infested dungeon she was locked in, pounding on the window and waving anxiously at the outside world as Tom her prepared her for a wedding "banquet" of toads, bracken and leeches.

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You can't handle the juice

Tom Cruise hasn't been doing himself any favours recently, what with the mad shouting, the jumping up and down, the wrestling with Oprah, and the vampirical 'relationship' with Katies Holmes' credibility.



But we have to admit he comes off quite well from the whole squirting-water-in-his-face incident. His reactions seem almost human. You can even imagine sharing his indignation.



Luckily, tvgasm have redubbed the whole incident as though it were porn, robbing Cruise of his dignity all over again. Hooray!



Now we can go back to deciding who should replace Katie on our laminated list.

TVgasm: Show Me The Money (Shot)!

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Shudder

In an eerie piece of foreshadowing, Katie Holmes stands in front of a bat-infested Eiffel Tower earlier this week.

Only two days later, Tom Cruise proposes to her atop the (conveniently phallic) monument, thereby sucking the blood out of Holme's career like a vampire.

Bitter, us?

Destiny's Child make one final push for album sales before they disappear for ever by joining Philadelphia's Live 8 bill. Meanwhile Status Quo are reduced to begging Bob Geldof to let them play. Just like they begged Radio 1 to play their records, and their guitar teacher to show them where to put their fingers for Em7.

Yawn! EMI plan to introduce copy protection to their CDs which will limit you to burning three copies of any one song onto a complation CD. Except, they admit, its not foolproof. So what's the point?

Stuntmen have been throwing themselves down the steps and running through big piles of cardboard boxes at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Why? Because they want a new Oscar category for stuntwork. We hope the Academy agrees, then calls it "Best fucking explosion," or something.

What's it like to have to cater to the demands of trumped-up teenage tartlet Lindsay Lohan on the set of a movie? One man spills the beans.

Lohan's top diva moment is refusing to rehearse because she's "waiting for the FBI to call." It happens to us all...

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What are the celebs up to today?

Cradle snatched!
Katie and Tom make a cute couple, but doesn't the thought of it make you feel slightly dirty? Like when teachers used to flirt with you?

High-profile paedophilia case bungled!
Seriously - how useless are the prosecution in the Michael Jackson trial? Even their surprise star witness ends up making Jacko seem a victim (of "vultures", bizarrely).

Man aware of his own crimes against humanity!
Sting admits to Gwen Stefani that he is "a dick".

Hair bleached!
The internet is overcome with the news that Linday Lohan has dyed her hair blonde for a film role. Whatever next? Kevin Bacon wears hat? Nicole Kidman applies blusher? Sean Penn lightens up? ...Hmm, maybe not.

Oh for fuck's sake!
Now they're kissing... Why, Lord? Why?

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