Monday, December 31, 2007

"Important" information

I have just discovered that this humble website is the number three search result on Google for the phrase "pictures of ladybits". I am also ranked sixth on Virgin Media's search engine when you search for "Betty Boo bedroom curtains".

That is all.

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Discopop top 10 singles of 2007

If you don't own these, you're probably a paedophile.

1) Amerie - Gotta Work


An updated, improved version of One Thing, Gotta Work stomps all over the dancefloor like a giant in hotpants. Using a sample of Isaac Haye's Hold On, I'm Coming, Amerie crafted a case study in melodic composition - there's not a single wasted note across three minutes and eleven seconds. Why this didn't get to number one, I'll never know.
:: Watch it on youtube

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2) Robyn - With Every Heartbeat

"Still dying with every step I take, but I don't look back," sings Robyn as With Every Heartbeat opens. It's the most emotionally honest, bitterly painful song of the year - if not all time. The bit where the string quartet kicks in will break your heart a thousand times over. Her acoustic performance of the song on Radio One probably drove several teenagers to poetry or that weird sobbing where you make a noise like Hannibal Lecter when you breathe in. But you can dance to it, too, which must turn school discos into a dangerous playground of tears and snot. Brilliant.
:: Watch it on youtube

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3) CSS - Let's Make Love and Listen To Death From Above

The best drunken come-on of the year, Let's Make Love sees Lovefoxxx making a stupid, Bridget Jones-style attempt to get a man into bed. The song doesn't record whether or not she was successful, but I definitely would.

According to Wikipedia, the hook "is probably a reference to the Canadian band Death From Above 1979, as evidenced in the song's video where band members are shown wearing elephant masks (a reference to the "elephant heads" on the cover of Death From Above 1979's album You're a Woman, I'm a Machine)." So now you know.
:: Watch it on youtube

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4) Rihanna - Umbrella

In which 19-year-old Robyn Rihanna Fenty transformed from a vaguely-interesting Barbadian R&B lady into a globe-straddling pop behemoth before our very eyes. This despite the fact her singing voice is more nasal than an anteater, and that the opening rap from Jay-Z is the very definition of "phoned in". But this record is so amazingly catchy that it has changed the way we pronounce the word umbrella for the rest of all time.
:: Watch it on youtube

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5) Girls Aloud - Call The Shots

If Rihanna mangled her pronunciation of umbrella, Cheryl Tweedycole put the word "now" through a primeval torture device in Call The Shots. Seriously, it ends up being seventeen syllables long or something. But I love this song, and anyone who says they don't love it too it is lying through their dirty mouth.
:: Watch it on youtube

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6) Groove Armada - Song 4 Mutya

Despite the lyrics, Mutya almost certainly doesn't know all the words to Prince's Hot Thing, but this pop song, full of meaty synths and New Order guitar lines, sounds exactly like the sort of thing the little purple man would have written for one of his filthy protegés in the mid-80s. The video is a crock of shit, though.
:: Watch it on youtube (but it's probably best not to waste your time)

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7) Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar

Two of pop's shoutiest ladyfolk have a volume competition over a slinky, arabesque beat. The video contains several scenes of wiggling. It is altogether smashing.
:: Watch it on youtube

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8) Girls Aloud - Sexy! No, No, No...

Nadine has a "d-d-dirty mind", she helpfully tells us in this hymn to sexual caution. Coincidentally, two years ago she used the lyrics of Biology to advertise her "dirty brain". We, the public, demand more information about this inner pervert.
:: Watch it on youtube

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9) Siobhan Donaghy - Don't Give It Up

It is a terrible crime that, despite having released one of the most inventive albums of the year, Siobhan Donaghy is now dying from Aids (on stage in a crappy "reinvention" of Rent, fact-fans). This song, equal parts Kate Bush and Bjork, is absoulte nonsense - but very beautiful, stately nonsense with an ethereal vocal. No doubt it was deemed "too demanding" for the cretins that listen to Radio One. If only she had put "The" in front of her name, they might have paid attention.
:: Watch it on youtube

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10) Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

One of those songs that sits unloved and overshadowed on its parent album before revealing its true glory as a single. A slinky little minor-key ballad, its one of Nelly's more atmospheric songs, although I've never really paid attention to what it's all about. According to the internet, however, the lyrics go: "From my hands I could give you something that I made / From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid". Nelly Furtado is nuts, isn't she?
:: Watch it on youtube

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PS: As ever, the top 10 list is put together using my iTunes play counts and a bit of maths(!) to even out the bias towards songs that have been around all year.

PPS: Honourable mentions also go to The Klaxons - Golden Skans, White Stripes - You Don't Know What Love Is, Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control, Take That - Shine, Mark Ronson - Stop Me, The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name, Kanye West - Stronger, Arcade Fire - Intervention, Timbaland ft Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado - Give It To Me, New Young Pony Club - The Bomb.

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Saturday, December 29, 2007

What did you get for Christmas?

Was it a holiday sweater? If so, then here's a song just for you.

The Holiday Sweater Song

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Strictly Christmas Stockings

Welcome back! Hope you all had a tasty Christmas.

As promised, we spent part of the break in prison - where my mother-in-law is a chaplain. As you can imagine, Christmas morning with 40 inmates makes for a particularly unique church service. Especially when your (gorgeous) wife is the first civilian woman the men have seen for months, if not years.

But the best moment was when the congregation launched into the Christmas carols. You've never heard Away In A Manger until you've heard it with a sinister undertone of violence.

Aside from prison, we spent most of the holiday with our nieces and their Wiiiii. No Christmas telly at all, which is most unusual for me.

Before we set off for the in-laws, however, we did catch the final of Strictly Come Dancing, which I've become strangely addicted to. This year, justice was done and former Mis-Teeq shouty lady Alesha Dixon took the crown after 12 weeks of knockout performances. Here is one of them:

Alesha Dixon - Argentine Tango


Those of you who have followed Alesha's career will know that, despite a lack of formal training, she had a bit of a head start when it came to the competition, having performed routines both for Mis-Teeq and as a featured performer in NERD's She Wants To Move video. Comme ça:

NERD - She Wants To Move


I was hoping Alesha would use Strictly Come Dancing as a way to revitalise her stalled pop career. Her solo singles last year weren't of the highest quality but they showed a lot of promise. Bruce Forsyth has obviously been paying attention, though. He told Alesha she could be "Britain's Beyoncé", which is a good call for an old duffer.

Of course, this being the UK, the first thing Alesha has done to celebrate her victory is to accept a large amount of dosh to remove her clothes - in this case FHM. In the interests of "research", here are the pics:





So, will Alesha stage the first pop comeback of 2008? Watch this space...

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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Nota bene



This will be the first great single of 2008.

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Friday, December 21, 2007

Happy Flippin' Christmas

Dearest reader,

I am going away for Christmas now. At least part of it will be spent in prison*.

Normal service will be resumed next weekend, when I'll run-down the annual totally unbiased Discopop Directory Top 10 albums or singles of 2007 (I haven't decided which to do first).

In the meantime, here's a seasonally inappropriate clip from my favourite comedy discovery of the year, BBC Four's musical spoof show Flight Of The Conchords. In this scene, guitarist Brett is angry at being replaced in his band by a flash-in-the-pan bongos player, and works out his anger in the style of a 1980s Jerry Bruckheimer movie.

Happy Christmas to you and yours!
Mrdiscopop

Brett's angry dance


PS: If you liked that, there's a DVD available here, and the band plan an album and tour in 2008. Yay!

*Not a joke: My mother-in-law is a prison chaplain, and we'll be "on the inside" for the Christmas Day service

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