Fat dancers anonymous

Bloody nora - Take That are reforming! Only, they're not really. ITV is doing a retrospective on the band this December, and all five of them will take part. By which we mean ITV are broadcasting an extended advert for a re-released Take That hits CD this Christmas.

Forget your ipods, your wifi and your psp - THIS is what the cutting-edge of technology should be about.

It's official: "Tyra Banks has natural breasts; there are no implants". The former supermodel was groped by a doctor on her talk show this week just to prove it. In a previous programme, she showed the audience pictures of herself before and after they were airbrushed. But wait... aren't talk shows supposed to be about the guests?

While Tyra gets her ladybuns fondled on live TV, fellow supermodel Helena Christensen works out some althogether darker fetishes in her new photography portfolio.

INXS have chosen a new lead singer in the grand finalé of their not-really-very-widely-seen reality show competition effort. The band insisted they wanted someone new and fresh - not a Michael Hutchence impersonator. But in the end the singer they chose bears an uncanny vocal resemblance to the original frontman. He's not a bad choice - the song he wrote with INXS in the course of the competition was actually pretty catchy - but you can't help thinking he'd be better off playing with kids his own age.

...And with that, we're off to Bordeaux for a week. We'll bring you back some cheap plonk and a beret.

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