April fools lasts 'til December

Let it be remembered that Mariah Carey is a world-class diva. She held up Live 8 for what seemed like forty-two minutes because no-one would bring her water, oblivious to the fact that lack of water was the principal reason for Live 8 in the first place.

Quite brilliantly, it turns out that the high-pitched one actually has a servant on hand at all times to lift her cup to her lips. The sheer humiliation of this job was captured on film when Mariah turned up for a signing at HMV on Oxford Street a couple of weeks ago:



It's the look on the flunky's face in that last shot that amuses us the most.

With this ritual debasement in mind, it shouldn't come as a surprise that Mariah's staff don't really like her. And now they've got their own back...

For the past couple of months, Carey has been dining in France (presumably with her knife and fork roadies). Feeling a little sheepish at her lack of French, she must have asked her 'help' for a suitable phrase to thank her Parisian waiters. The bon mot they taught her is: "Ce repas etait si excitant que je me suis fait dessus".

And the translation? "That was such a thrilling meal, I've pissed myself."

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