Instant review: Janet's 20 Y.O.

As you may have spotted, I'm a massive Janet Jackson fan - going right back to the days of Control, which was released when I was (eeek!) eleven years old.

Janet's new album 20 Years Old marks the anniversary of the release of Control and it's out today. Being something of a traditionalist in these matters I have held out 'til the release date and bought it in a shop, on a CD.

Given that the two singles have been pointless drivel, I'm not holding out much hope for the 12 new songs but I'm going to give it a try, and I'll take you along for the journey.

Lucky you.

1. Introduction A tape rewinds. Clips of classic Janet tracks are played in. Janet says there's no theme for this album. She just wants to have fun. Me too.

2. So Excited We've heard this before, and it actually sounds a lot better than the MP3s that have been floating around. My hopes are raised just a little...

The song features a cheeky old skool drum beat, complete with orchestra hits and saucy little rap from Khia. But the melody is paper-thin and, despite Janet's declaration, this song is about something. It's about sex.

3. Show Me If you want a piece of Janet, you've gotta work for it. That's the message here. Oh, and also, Janet likes sex quite a lot.

4. Get It Out Me The title suggests this could be an ode to the rhythm method of contraception. Sadly, no. "Boy don't you stop. You found my spot," sings Janet. She has had approximately seven orgasms in the first ten minutes of this album...

5. Do It 2 Me ...But she's not finished yet. Honestly, the woman has a one track mind. And that track is definitely not Jermaine Stewart's We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time).

6. This Body This one's about a porn mag. Seriously.

7. 20 Part 2 (interlude) By virtue of the fact that it has no lyrics, this is the first track on the album that doesn't concern doing "it" over and over again until your mimsy is raw.

8. With U A ballad! And clearly an attempt to recreate the sound and success of Mariah's We Belong Together. It's nowhere near as good, obviously, but quite sweet nontheless.

9. Call On Me First single. We all know this. And none of us likes it - it bellyflopped into the charts at a lowly number 18 yesterday. The album version is mildly better, like chicken pox compared to shingles.

10. 20 Part 3 (interlude) Incomprehensible conversation between Janet and one of her friends. Skip!

11. Daybreak This is more like it. The first composition solely written by Janet with her long-time collaborators Jam and Lewis. It harks back to the mood of Escapade and Runaway, with a light carefree tune and lyrics about Janet sneaking out to meet her boyfriend after everyone has gone to bed. This woman is 40. How strict are her parents?

12. Enjoy Oh, this is brilliant. The first track on the album that makes me feel like dancing. Another Jam & Lewis production, I note. The backing track sounds like a sample, but there isn't one listed. That's how instantly familiar and wonderfully catchy this is. If you're downloading one track, it should be this one.

13. 20 Part 4 (interlude) There is a contractual obligation for every Janet album to feature a track which consists solely of rain sound effects.

14. Take Care A spiritual successor to ballads like Lonely and Any Time, Any Place. Janet is, once again, in a sexy mood. "Only you can fill my needs," she says to her absent lover. "I'll lay here and take care of it till you come home". Too. Much. Information.

15. Love 2 Love This is just utter bollocks.

16. (outro) 20 part 5 With all seriousness, Janet intones: "Time flashes by / like lightning in the sky". Ahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Haha. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Ahahahaha!

In conclusion, then - 7 :( out of a possible 10 :('s

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