Dear Jacko: A lesson from the planet humility

Guess what? Another 1980s pop star was in the UK to pick up a lifetime achievement award this week. Like Mr Jackson, he failed to perform. Unlike Mr Jackson, fans left the concert with more respect for him than before.

Let's take a look.


(fast forward six minutes or so to get to the speech)

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of class.

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It's a Jacko fiasco!

Last night, I was sent out by my "proper" job to Earls Court, where I was to witness Michael Jackson's comeback performance at the World Music Awards.

Now, award ceremonies are never as glamorous as they look on telly, but last night really took the biscuit. Host Lindsay Lohan was having trouble reading, guests admitted they hadn't bothered to learn their script, and stage hands wheeled instruments on and off stage seemingly at random.

Elle McPherson was under the impression that Kanye West was a group ("they're touring Australia with U2," she informed us) and on more than one occasion the hall went black for upwards of 20 minutes with no explanation.

The music, from Beyonce and Nelly Furtado among others, might have been brilliant, but I couldn't really tell - as Earl's Court has all the acoustic clarity of a toilet in a cathedral in an aircraft hangar placed in the Grand Canyon on national echo day.

But the audience didn't care about any of that. Last night really was a one-man show. Every pause in proceedings was greeted with chants of "Michael, Michael" and anyone who mentioned the former King Of Pop got a standing ovation.

So when Chris Brown (who he?) filled Jackson's shoes in the promised performance of Thriller, and the eccentric pop star simply turned up to pick up some pointless award, the atmosphere took a sudden turn for the worst.

"Michael Jackson can suck my dick and stick it up his nose. What a motherfucker," one fan said to me (not one of the quotes I was able to use in my official review). "We came here to see him perform and he didn't even stick out his leg," said another.

Poor old Rihanna, who took to the stage immediately after Jackson, was all but booed off. And, credit where credit's due, she rose above the crowd's reaction and turned in a stunning performance of Unfaithful. If it was me, I'd have run away in floods of girly tears.

And then - what's this?! A choir of children took to the stage... That could only mean MJ was going to perform after all! But, alas and alack, no. He came out and shook people's hands while the kids mimed along to a backing track of We Are The World. He eventually tried his hand at a couple of lines from the song, but he sounded as flaky as a Cadbury's flake and missed all the high notes.

It was an utter, utter shambles. What had been a massive tide of goodwill towards Jacko - from both his fans and the press - instantly turned into tsunami of bad PR.

Some fan sites quite rightly point out that Jackson doesn't have a manager or production company behind him at the moment to orchestrate a show-stopping performance. But that doesn't explain why the pop star led fans to believe he would be doing a routine.

The Times reports he got stage fright. But quite frankly, I don't care. The man needs a good slap and, more importantly, a manager like Frank DiLeo who can force him to honour his commitments (fans of Jackson's court cases will be aware this isn't the first time he's pulled out of a concert at the last minute).

Sad, sad, sad.

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This is amazing!

Timbaland feat. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake - Give It To Me

From Timbaland's new solo album.
The low quality preview is via Spine Magazine
Email me if you've got a high-quality version and I will repay you handsomely (with a bunch of grapes and a kit kat).

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Crikey, she's stunning!

So, I went down to TVC and managed to get into tonight's Beyoncé concert - and all I can say is WOW!

While the R&B superstar is always impressive, what doesn't come across when you're sitting on a sofa staring at the TV is her sheer presence. She totally owns the stage. And, it would seem, her entourage (no-one has a name, they are collectively 'the dancers' and 'the band').

She is also, it has to be said, gorgeous.

Her voice was pitch-perfect throughout, despite several false starts and production hiccups. Bizarrely, the final show on BBC2 cut out Dangerously In Love, which was perhaps her best vocal performance of the night. Yes, Beyoncé is guilty of the over-emoting Whitney Houston-style warbling that so many Pop Idol auditionees attempt, but the truth is she can pull it off, with a level of pitch and control that few of her contemporaries possess.


Yes, I took a picture on my phone. If it makes any difference, I am thoroughly ashamed of myself.

A full and funky female band backed her up throughout the concert, giving it proper welly on Crazy In Love and Deja Vu.

That said, there was a fair amount of backing track in use (I'm not sure the brass section were even miked up) and it's a shame Beyoncé doesn't see fit to employ backing singers. But maybe Kelly and Michelle are doing something else this week.

What I found weird, though, was the level of adulation in the audience. When I saw Destiny's Child in 2002 there was a Beatlemania-esque level of screaming going on which I put down to the pre-teen audience. But it was there again tonight.

At times it was impossible to hear the PA, and if my tinnitus is any worse after the concert it's solely because of the two girls behind me who, in all honesty, deserved a good slap around the chops.

Screaming harpies aside, it was a fantastic gig - something that didn't necessarily come across on the TV (would it have hurt them to spend a day editing it properly instead of rushing it onto the screen less than an hour after taping?) It bodes very well for Beyoncé's full-blown UK tour next year.

Consider my tickets booked.

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Free Beyoncé concert tonight!

Hrrrrnnnnk!If you live in London and you can get to White City tonight, Beyoncé is doing a concert in the car park at BBC Television Centre.

You won't be able to get in, but not even the BBC can stop you standing in the street and dancing. Although I'd watch out for the traffic.

My source says it's due to kick off "around 5pm", so you might have to pretend to have a migraine and/or 'women's troubles' to get out of work on time.

Wrap up warm!

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A load of old garbage

...is unfortunately not the name of the Garbage greatest hits album, which has just been announced.

Now, I was always partial to a bit of Shirley Manson and the boys. For all their growling menace and shocking noise, they always managed to sugar-dip their songs in pure pop melodies, like Blondie with a sequencer. Or Courtney Love with an ounce of talent.

Their videos, too, were something special - if only because Manson was at the same time beautifully photogenic and utterly horrific. She was a bit like that 3D cube illusion where your eyes can't decide what they're looking at and go all hurty.

The tracklisting for the greatest hits CD ('Absolute Garbage') is a strictly chronological trip through Garbage's back-catalogue, which means you can pretty much give up after Cherry Lips.

For some reason, though, it's missing the 2001 single Androgyny. Maybe because they finally realised it was a bit rubbish?

Vow
Queer
Only Happy When It Rains
Stupid Girl
Milk
#1 Crush
Push It
I Think I'm Paranoid
Special
When I Grow Up
You Look So Fine
The World Is Not Enough
Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)
Shut Your Mouth
Why Do You Love Me
Bleed Like Me
It's All Over But The Crying
New track (untitled)

As ever with Garbage, they've messed up the timing and the album is coming out in March - thereby missing the Christmas Greatest Hits rush. It's not like they've had a year-and-a-half to put it together or anything.

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