Poor old fab macca wacky thumbs aloft

The British papers are full of "revelations" about Sir Paul McCartney's acrimonious divorce from Heather Mills. These reports are causing me two problems.

1) I can't help reading about it, despite the fact it makes me feel dirty and wrong.

The stories revolve around a 13-page court document filed on behalf of Mills, which has been leaked to the press.

The accusations range from funny - McCartney told Mills to stop breastfeeding their baby daughter because "those are my breasts"; to the horrific - McCartney stabbing Mills with a broken wine glass.

Do you see? It's like Sunset Beach, only better.

2) The leaked document doesn't make any sense.
For a start, Mills' complaints constantly contradict each other. In one instance, she says she was "forced to crawl on her hands and knees up aeroplane steps" when Macca refused to lift her. Never mind that she has one good leg, a coterie of assistants, and that Sir Paul is so old he could have put his back out by trying to carry a fully grown woman -- she then claims that, around the same time, he passed out in the bath requiring her to get him out, dry him, and drag him upstairs to bed. Oh, come on!

Furthermore, Macca doesn't seem the type. I'm no psychologist, but shouldn't there be some evidence of a tendency towards in his previous relationships for this to ring true? He never even hit John Lennon, the most infuriating twat ever to have walked the planet.

Lawyers are now saying Mills could lose £70m in her divorce settlement because the claims have leaked into the public domain (and my 'sources' reckon it was her legal team that leaked the document) - so what does anyone stand to gain from all of this?

It's weird, grubby and wrong.

And I can't wait to find out what happens next.

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