Inifinite waste of time

I have scoured the internets and found these things. Have fun.

:: An amazing collection of firework photographs choreographed to MGMT's really rather good Kids' song.

Fireplays from Jon Thomas on Vimeo



:: Could Batman exist in real life?
[Scientific American]

:: Maggie Gyllenhaal, does us an interview.
[Onion AV Club]

:: How making banal decisions like choosing what clothes to wear tires your brain out for the really important questions, like cake or death.
[Scientific American]

:: A free song from Amy Winehouse's flatmate!!!!!!1eleven, etc
[Popjustice]

:: Make spaghetti out of pick-up sticks and rubick's cubes
[Youtube]

:: This appears to be for real - an inexplicably coarse sex education lecture in the style of a Ladybird book courtesy of, er, Scotland's National Health Service.


"Shona has a banana in her lunchbox.
She shows Kirstie what she'd like to do to Tam if she had the chance."
[Be Books Online]

:: Roisin Murphy talks about recording a new album. Let's hope someone buys this one.
[Arjan Writes]

:: Find out what happened when I met the Pussycat Dolls (well, spoke to one of them on the phone)
[BBC]

:: How many of us are aware that when we look into a mirror we see an image on the mirror surface that is exactly half life size?
[New York Times]

:: Finally, is this really how three-year-olds deal with monsters these days?

Monsters!

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Month old flop single news

It's been a relatively quiet day today, and still I haven't managed to track down any new music worth writing about.

I'm quite excited about the new Bond theme - from the combined genius of Jack White and Alicia Keys - but I can't find a decent Keys / White Stripes mash-up to iluustrate what it might sound like. My own attempt at making a No-One vs My Doorbell montage was a KFC family bucket of wrong.

I had more luck writing a quiz on previous Bond themes for my real job(yes, they actually pay me for this stuff). You can test your knowledge over here.

In the meantime, I stumbled across a new blog by the name of Hard Candy Music and while drilling down through their old posts, I came across a story that made my 80s cheese antenna prick up.

It concerns Denise Lopez, a floptastic US singer with Paula Abdul aspirations signed to A&M Records in the latter half of the Thatcher decade. She had precisely no hits, but one of her tracks - Don't You Wanna Be Mine - is regarded as a classic of the vocal house scene (think Ce Ce Peniston with Finally or Clivilles and Coles with A Deeper Love).

The song is still a staple of many DJ sets (Sasha is a big fan) and it's been given a fresh workover by the likes of Bimbo Jones and Soul Avengerz for the 2008 Ibiza crowds. It came out a month ago to complete indifference, but it's worth downloading the iTunes EP simply to get hold of the original C&C Music Factory remix which, in the parlance of the time, is "dope, yo".

Denise Jones - Don't You Wanna Be Mine (Bimbo Jones mix)


Denise Lopez - Don't You Wanna Be Mine (original single)


If anyone has some up-to-date tips, for the love of god let me know in the comments box.

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Here be monsters

Well, it seems traditional summer music drought has officially started. All the good albums are being squeezed dry, with so-so singles attempting eking out the few remaining sales. Meanwhile, the record companies are throwing out weak singles by one hit wonders (Natty, Little Jackie, I'm talking about you) in an attempt to clear the decks before the autumn.

Today's video falls firmly into the former cateogory, as US indiepoppers We Are Scientists schelp out the third single from their actually-quite-good Brain Thrust Mastery album.

Impatience is it's name and - as with the band's last two videos - it is notable more for the presence of furry creatures than actual melody or songcraft.

We Are Scientists - Impatience

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Do not watch this while eating lunch

Word up, it's the new Gnarls Barkley video and it's gruesome, gory, gigglesome, groovy, gross, and other words beginning with the letter "g".

Gnarls Barkley - Who's Gonna Save My Soul?

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New band: Scarlettes

In our more realistic moments, we have to acknowledge that Girls Aloud and Sugababes are nearing the end of their "shelf life" (nb: this doesn't mean that their boobs are starting to sag, although that's inevitable, too).

What we need is a hopeful set of young replacements waiting to steal their pop crown. But, at the time of writing, there doesn't seem to be anyone willing or able to step up to the plate.

Unless you count the Saturdays, which we don't.

However, yesterday we read on the Popjustice forums stumbled across a new three-piece called Scarlettes, who may find pop ubiquity within their grasp. Here is what they look like:



Reasons why they could be big:
1) Photograph is a step-by-step illustration of how to use hair curlers.
2) Genre-smashing mix of girl band pop and dance music.
3) Have attitude of early Bananarama.

Reasons why they might flop spectacularly:
1) Photograph looks like three Primark models caught in a freak hurricane.
2) Unique dance-pop blend already perfected by Freemasons and Beyonce.
3) Have attitude of late-period Atomic Kitten.

The Scarlettes are currently "being developed", so their career could head down either one of those two routes. If you want to take an early listen, a medley of their demos is available on the Myspaces.

And here is a clip of the band singing over Eric Prydz's Pjanoo. (Warning: may result in waving of glow-in-the-dark sticks and blowing of rave whistles).

Scalettes vs Eric Prydz - Pjanoo Fever

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LL Cool J ruins childhood for everyone

Now, this is simply not on.

While every other guest star on Sesame Street uses their performance to spread good will, basic maths, triangle recognition and, er, footwear to the masses, LL Cool J goes and spoils it all with needless profanity.



All Elmo wanted him to do was add one and one together.

Oh, wait...

Watch the clip on Youtube (youtube)

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Natalie Portman goes Bollywood

Devendra Banhart has recruited his real-life girlfriend and major Hollywood superstar Natalie Portman for his latest video, a big old Bollywood spoof about a king, his "rebellious beard" and an octopus.

It is quite literally the best music video I have seen all year. Pay particular attention to the subtitles...

Devendra Banhart - Carmensita

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This week's Sesame Street clip

You know, that muppet blog idea I had last week is seeming better and better as the Sesame Street posts stack up...

This week, Neil "Doogie Howser MD" Patrick Harris pops up on the puppet show playing a singing, dancing shoe fairy. (Yes, you read that right.)

The clip's on Youtube (youtube) - but embedding has been disabled, so you'll actually have to click on a link to watch it. The horror.

For those of you who can't bear to leave the site (we understand), here's an equally brilliant clip of Harris on US chat show Regis and Kelly:

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Gig review: Annie in Camden

Last time I saw Annie in concert, she was flailing about aimlessly behind a DJ while a largely indifferent St Etienne audience drank beer and talked amongst themselves. The Norwegian popster even walked off the stage a couple of times, such was the indifference of the crowd.

At the iTunes festival on Monday, there was evidence both of increased interest and that she'd stepped up as a performer - although she sometimes has the air of a head girl miming to her favourite Girls Aloud songs at the school concert.

The set began brilliantly, wrong-footing the audience with a grinding synth dirge (exactly the sort of thing that you'd expect to hear as Radiohead's warm-up tape) that transmogrified into skippy pop ditty Chewing Gum. Sadly, although the three-piece band was giving it their all Annie's wispy voice, awash in delay, never really managed to punch through.

Things got very odd with the appearance of What Do You Want (For Breakfast), an utterly baffling song which consists of Annie repeating the inquisitive title ad nauseam over a plonky techno beat.

Sadly, no-one shouted out "muesli" or "croissant" in response to her query.

After a couple of songs, however, things began to warm up. The deliciously dark stomp of I Want You To Take Me Home was the turning point, with the band settling into a groove and Annie striking a series of convincing rock chick poses with her mic.

Songs Remind Me Of You, the highlight of her forthcoming new album, was similarly the stand-out track of the live show - proving once and for all that it should have been the lead single, rather than the underwhelming I Know Ur Girlfriend Hates Me (in with a bullet at, er, number 54).

All in all, it was an uneven set and one which can't have won over many new fans. Which is a real shame because, while the hipster critics love her, the lack of airplay means the live arena is the one place she can connect with an audience.

[These beautiful photos are from Paul Jay's Flickr Stream]

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Summer singalong

Back in the 1980s, when we were all innocent and David "Kid" Jensen (he was a baby goat) would play a song on Radio One because it made him chuckle, every summer had a novelty song that was brilliant and irritating in roughly equal measure. Examples included: Star Trekkin', The Chicken Song, Agadoo and Sabrina's Boys, Boys, Boys.

Sadly, this trend died out when Britpop rang the doorbell, walked into the big old house of pop and set up a campbed in the living room. Radio One, which now considered itself tastemaker to a generation, was taking itself waaaay to seriously to allow any concept of fun or folly onto the playlist (nb: Anyone who uses Chumbawamba to disprove my argument at this point will be reminded that the word "fun" does not mean "self-satisfied", "smug", or "utter bollocks").

So, here we are in the 21st Century and this is what passes for a summer novelty record - Ida Maria's I Like You Much Better When You're Naked. It sounds like it might be a good live track - a bit of fun to get the audience singing along and feeling all communal at the end of the night. As a single, it's a scrappy mess. Nonetheless, it has sneakily snuck onto the playlists at Radios 1 and 2 and, as such, it's sure to creep into the top 40 this week.

I still prefer Spagna.

Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked

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A horrible hit

I forgot to mention that the previously-plugged new series by Buffy creator Joss Whedon is now live on the internets.

A quick reminder: Superhero theme, Doogie Howser, musical, amazing

Whedon created the low-budget project during the Hollywood writers' strike at the beginning of the year. Following the (mis)adventures of a love-struck, low-rent comic book bad-guy-wannabe, it was filmed in less than a week for a tiny budget... and its utterly brilliant.

Episode one was published last week - and went straight to number one on the iTunes video chart. I suggest you watch it (for free) on the Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

And make sure you wait for the fantastically OTT appearance from Desperate Housewives' Nathan Fillion.

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Shameless self plug

Last week, I interviewed Steve Lillywhite - the British producer behind such era-defining records as U2's Achtung Baby, Morrissey's Vauxhall and I and The La's eponymous debut album.

He was talking about the three years he spent behind the mixing desk (and playing bicycles with knives) on U2's first three albums, Boy, October and War - which are all being re-released next week.

The finished piece, complete with archive footage of Adam Clayton's afro and The Edge without a hat on, is over at the BBC website and it is really rather good if I do say so myself.

While you're with the Beeb, have a squizz at this piece about Delia Derbyshire. She's the visionary composer who made all the whooshes and swizzles for the original series of Doctor Who. An unbelievably brilliant woman.

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New band: Amazing Baby

When a band calls themselves Amazing Baby, you can only hope and pray that their music justifies the sheer brilliantness of that name.

Luckily, Amazing Baby are... er... amazing, baby.

Their first EP showcases a knack for the sort of spaced-out electronic prog nonsense that The Flaming Lips and MGMT do so well - in fact, they were in a band called Misogynistic Pineapple (another great name) with MGMT at university. The differences are twofold: Firstly, frontman Will Roan can actually sing. Secondly, their choruses sound like 1980s dadrock.

I know. Awesome, right?

If you want to hear more about the band whose ideal gig would be inside a volcano, try their Myspace page: (it's here), or score some free MP3s from their official website.

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Battle of the ballads

Two US soul divas have weepy ballads lined up for their next single, but who's best?

Is it Timbaland protégé Keri Hilson, with the synth-heavy angst anthem Energy. Or is it Alicia "piano" Keys and her ode to female empowerment / Helen Slater, Superwoman?

Both artists have cleverly created visual metaphors for their song title in the video. Hilson is expending lots of energy by training for a boxing match, which is a bit like a troubled relationship, isn't it? Keys features several vignettes about women who are totally super, and stuff.

Watch the clips and cast your vote. The winner gets our eternal respect and a bowl of gummy bears.

Keri Hilson - Energy


Alicia Keys - Superwoman

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Gird your loins, it's Katy Perry

US starlet Katy Perry is about to invade the UK with a song that will woodpecker its way into your brain. If you read any other music blog except this one, you have probably heard it already. But that's never stopped me before…

Katy is an odd fish. Like a . She started out as a Christian singer on a gospel label under the name Katy Hudson before signing up as a session singer for hit-crafting melody meisters The Matrix (Avril Lavigne, Ricky Martin, Britney).

She seems to have shed some of those evangelical inhibitions, however, as her single is called I Kissed A Girl. How terribly rude, eh readers?

Of course, the title is precision targetted at prurient tabloid editors, who are no doubt all a-quiver at the thought of hot girl on girl lesbianatronics. And Katy seems all too happy to nudge them along the right path. "I’m completely outrageous and I’ll do anything for attention!" she said in one of her first print interviews.

Just in case you didn't get the point she added: "I’ve got really big boobs and my sweater gets tighter every week."

As one blogger noted, "she sold out everything before she even released a single".

...And it gets worse. I Kissed A Girl - a US number one - was preceeded in the States by a flop called Ur So Gay - and, yup, it's as bad as the title suggests.

The lyrics are a kiss-off to a former boyfriend, oto whom Katy snarls: "I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf/ While jacking off listening to Mozart". This sort of accessory-owning, classical music-liking behaviour apparently marked out her ex as an homosexual.

Note to readers: This song was released in 2008.

And yet, in spite of all the above, I kind of like her. The shameless self-promotion is rather endearing in the era of reluctant superstars. As for those lyrics… well, let's just consider them a backfiring American attempt to "do" a Lily Allen. Or maybe it's that high church upbringing coming back to bite Katy on her faux-lesbian ass. Who really knows?

Here is the single, which is out in the UK on 1 September.

Judge it not, lest ye be judged.

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More muppety goodness

I'm beginning to think I should start a separate Muppet blog, but for now here is the latest instalment of "things that become better with fuzzy puppets in them".

This week, Feist does 1-2-3-4 on Sesame Street. It's so appropriate, you begin to wonder whether she wrote the song specifically to meet Big Bird.

Feist - 1-2-3-4

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Nas: A bit angry

It seems that Nas has accidentally tuned into Fox News and realised that it's, well, a tiny bit biased. It didn't make him happy.

Not happy at all.

Here's a sample of the lyrics from his new single Sly Fox (do you see what he's done there?)

"Propaganda - Visual cancer"

"Comcast digital Satan
The Fox has a bushy tail
Bush tells lies and Fox trots"

"Only Fox that I love was the red one
Only black man that Fox loves is in jail or a dead one!
Red rum
Political bedlam
Don't let the hype into your eyes and ear drum"

It doesn't have the grace of The Disposable Heroes of HipHoprisy's Television, Drug Of The Nation, but it's great to see a mainstream rap song with some proper political fire in its belly again.

Take note, Kanye.

Nas - Sly Fox

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Sam Sparro looks into the future

Those of you unfortunate enough to have bought the Sam Sparro album will by now have realised that - the amazing Black & Gold aside - he is nothing more than a camp US version of Jamiroquai.

As if to ram that point home, he is now releasing 21st Century Life as a single - which is nothing more than a camp US version of Virtual Insanity... Except Sam Sparro isn't as eloquent as Jay Kay. (Take a look at that sentence again and allow some time for the true horror to sink in).

You see, in his funky diatribe about the bleak future of our planet, Jamiroquai addressed the very real issues of genetically modified crops and humanity's inherent selfishness rendering global warming an inevitablity. Samuel, however, is "confounded" by the future that is "all around him" because he has "21,000 things to do today" and his phone is "not just a phone - it's a stereo".

Well, boo fucking hoo, you pampered buffoon.

Mr Sparro (real name Falson) has done a video for this song. It does not involve him dancing around a sofa, but it's actually quite good if you can see past the trite lyrics.

Sam Sparro - 21st Century Life


Note to Sam: Those glasses make you look like a twat.

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So Bryn Christopher, then

Last night we ended up in the place that used to be seedy Soho strip club Raymond's Revue Bar to watch Bryn Christopher 'showcase' his new 'material' (this is music industry jargon for "playing some of his songs", fact fans).

Disappointingly, there were no Pringles or vol au vents, but Bryn and his T4-esque good looks managed to distract our attention from the shoddy catering arrangements for a good 45 minutes or so.

In a nutshell, here's what you can expect when his album comes out later this year:



The highlight of the night was his current single The Quest - the lyrics of which, I recently discovered, are based on his brother's experiences fighting with the British Army in Iraq. This came about five songs into his set, and it marked the point where Bryn really came to life. He stopped prowling the stage and stood firm behind the microphone, belting out the lyrics with the amazing set of pipes he was hiding underneath his Fred Perry t-shirt.

Unfortunately, he didn't seem to have the same emotional investment in the rest of his material - churning out some pretty anaemic funk throughout the course of the evening. But when he gets the right material - one song called Stay With Me* was worthy of Marvin Gaye - he's definitely one to watch.

The Quest is out this week - here's a reminder:

Bryn Christopher - The Quest


* Or maybe not. There may have been drink consumed by this stage.

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Musical macrame

Let me introduce you to Bo Pepper, a feisty, female-fronted four-piece with a knitted animal fixation, who look like they'll have the charts stitched up by the end of the year.

The needle-bearing Londoners weave together jangly 80s indie guitars and ebullient pop melodies, embroidering their sound with touches of The Primitives, The Pretenders and (what the heck) Wool.i.am.

The single, No One But Yourself, adheres to the band's poptastic (knitting) pattern and is looming large, thanks to some early spins from tastemakers like Radio 1's Huw Stephens and blog queen Perez Hilton. The video is something of a purl, too, with a satitical toytown yarn about Kerry Katona and Briyan McFadden's.

You shouldn't scarf (scoff) because it's darn good - and certainly not a cast-off. If you were dancing to it in a club you'd certainly end up covered in sweater [that's quite enough knitting puns, thank you - Ed]

Bo Pepper - No One But Yourself


According to Record Of The Day the band are jetting off to LA to record their debut album after being hand-picked for stardom by Mika / OneRepublic hitmaker Greg Wells. Good for them.

[Bo Pepper's Myspace]

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"Today I woke up in a basketball court"

Bloc Party are one of those bands who constantly defy expectations. Starting life as a jittering little indie band in the Franz Ferdinand mould, they blossomed into something altogether more captivating with the gothic chords and tribal rhythms of their second album Weekend In The City.

Last year, they signposted another new direction last year with the pulsing electronica of one-off single Flux - whose autotuned vocals and bubbling Giorgio Moroder bassline resembled nothing more than the world's most fucked-up eurodisco track.

Now they’ve got some new material, which was unveiled on last night's Zane Lowe show. Called Mercury, the single augments Flux's template with discordant brass stabs, sinister synth basslines and some fantastically cheap vocal samples.

With dramatic John Lydon-esque urgency, singer Kele Okereke rants about "bleeding gums", "scars on my shins" and "veins protruding" - suggesting that he's still preoccupied with the dual themes of conflict and social decay.

Unless I've completely misunderstood and he's actually talking about scurvy.

Either way, it is a huge track - one of those ones you'll stick on repeat just to make sure you didn't imagine it. Brilliant stuff.

Bloc Party - Mercury


Bloc Party - Mercury (MP3)

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New video: Roisin Murphy

For no discernable reason, I have reviewed this in the format of a 1980s Bollywood movie (bear with it until the subtitles):



Terrible internet gimmicks aside, the decision to base the video for Movie Star on a John Waters movie has got to be a wilful act of sabotage. True, the first three singles off Murphy's exceptional Overpowered album have performed below expectations - but this, the most commercial and accessible record of her entire solo career, must have had a shot at a decent chart placing.

I suppose the clip appeals to the fashionistas and Murphy's core gay/club audience, but in my opinion it's a completely wasted opportunity. Shame :(

Roisin Murphy - Movie Star (uncensored version)

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New video: Mariah Carey

Single three: I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time. Dreadful title, but the best song she's released from E=MC2 so far. Not that that's saying much.

The video, unsurprisingly, is boobtastic.

Mariah Carey - I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time

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New video: Grace Jones

It's only about 20 years late, but here's Grace Jones' new single, Corporate Cannibal.

Before you watch, a few quick notes:
1) It takes a while to get going
2) It takes a while to finish
3) The bit in the middle is quite good
4) Children may be a little frightened

Grace Jones - Corporate Cannibal


I'm not really sure what to make of it... It's hardly a dancefloor classic in the mold of Pull Up To The Bumper or Slave To The Rhythm (which is referenced in the lyrics). If anything, it reminds me of Karmacoma era Massive Attack although, according to the intertubes, it's produced by Ivor Guest (Bomb The Bass).

What do you reckon?

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Bert & Ernie throw down

What is it with muppet mash-ups at the minute? After last week's unecessarily censored Sesame Street, here's Bert and Ernie crunking it up, gangsta rap-stylee.

Bert and Ernie - Hip-Hoppotamus and Rhymenocerous


The soundtrack is Ante Up by MOP, fact fans.

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David Tennant is a fistful of amazing

I'm a bit of a sci-fiphobic (what's so great about lasers anyway?) but I have found myself sucked into watching the latest series of Doctor Who. This is largely, but not entirely, due to mrsdiscopop's crush on the perma-gurning hunkalove that is David Tennant.

I have to admit that (a) he is quite hot, and (b) makes the show entirely. He's one of those rare people who can deliver utter bollocks ("hypersonic sound waves to destabilize the cell structure!") with a sense of purpose and, furthermore, he handles the series' massive swings between drama and comedy with awesome ease.

But he's just gone up even further in my estimation with this out-take - from Family Of Blood, in the last series. The plot saw The Doctor making himself human in order to hide from aliens (?). This entailed forgetting who he was entirely, and entrusting his life to faithful companion Martha Jones… In the episode we see Martha receiving instructions from The Doctor on a video screen, but the sound is muted.

Here's what Tennant really said.

David Tennant - What The Doctor Tells Martha

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"Secret" Jay-Z Glastonbury tape

If you watched Jay-Z's Glastonbury set on the TV, you missed the stunning intro tape that preceeded his version of Oasis' Wonderwall (apparently, the BBC couldn't clear the rights in time). Well, it's finally made it's way onto Youtube (youtube) - and, as it's basically a two-minute-long "fuck you" to Noel Gallagher, it's really worth watching:



Great as it is, though, I suspect it wasn't personally authored by Hova. Does he even know (or care) what Marmite is? And isn't that Big Brother / This Morning "talent" Alison Hammond in the middle of it all? How curious.

Oh, and while we're talking about it, here's my personal highlight of the jiggaman's Glasto set.

Jay-Z - Numb / Encore (live)

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New video: CSS

In a world where there simply aren't enough frilly shirts, thank the Lord for CSS. The rest of the band look rough, mind you. Like a slum version of Prince's Revolution.

CSS- Rat Is Dead (Rage)


Bizarrely, Rat Is Dead isn't the band's next single - that'll be the slightly more mainstream synth-rock of Left Behind (listen to it here). You have to love it, even if just for the lyric: "I'm going to dance my ass off 'til I die". Which is a sentiment we can all agree with.

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There was this festival in Somerset...

...at the weekend, I don't know if you heard about it. Glasto-something, I think it was called. Apparently some of the biggest names in music were there; Shakin Stevens, Neil Diamond and The London Gospel Community Choir.

But the best performance of the whole weekend wasn't on any of the festival's seventy-three stages - it took place in a little tent, in front of a camera crew for BBC Three. The artists were Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris, who did a funky acoustic strut to their single Dance Wiv Me, which is out this week.

Here it is in full.

Calvin Harris and Dizzee Rascal - Dance Wiv Me (acoustic)


Oh, and Jay-Z was quite good, too.

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Sesame Street censored

I can't think of anything in advance of this video that wouldn't dilute and ultimately spoil the comedy. Except that last sentence, of course.

And that one.

Jimmy Kimmel - Unnecessary Censorship on Sesame Street

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