One Direction's art-house movie trailer

When I saw One Direction at the Brits, they were being followed around by Super Size-Me director Morgan Spurlock, and one of those huge ring lights they use to make pop stars eyes go all sparkly. As we all know, that was in aid of One Direction 3D a hybrid concert / documentary that's due out in August.

But did you know that, at the very same time, the band were filming a foreign language art-house movie, loosely based on Lord Of The Flies? The trailer was released this week. It's strange, eerie and unsettling - and I know one thing for certain: Claudia Winkleman is going to be very, very confused.

One Direction - Film trailer

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Zinglebert Bemberback

My only response to the news that Engelbert Humperdinck will represent the UK at this year's Eurovision Song Contest, is this:



PS: It turns out a report I recorded for Radio 2 ended up on the Today programme. Does this make me respectable now?

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The Distract-a-tron

It's a quiet Friday on a quiet week. Let's have a look at some YouTube clips that otherwise wouldn't have met the blog's non-existent quality threshold.

NUMBER ONE - A WOMAN PERFORMS F**K YOU IN SIGN LANGUAGE


NUMBER TWO - AN ORCHESTRA PERFORMS ALL OF THE LIGHTS


NUMBER THREE - ADELE PERFORMS CHERYL COLE'S PROMISE THIS AND IT IS NOT AS GOOD AS YOU MIGHT HAVE HOPED

NUMBER FOUR - A MAGIC OTTER PERFORMS MAGIC


Thank you, the internet.

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This is how I play the drums, too

[via Robert Popper]

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Lustin' Timberlake

I am ignoring everything else that has happened in pop music over the last four days (including the leak of Britney Spears' version of Telephone) because, frankly, none of it lives up to the quality of this: Two grown men, playing a medley of Justin Timberlake hits on miniature instruments and a laptop bag.

Brett Domino - Justin Timberlake Medley


Fact 1) Brett Domino are the sometime-house band on ITV2 "ratings hit" Britain's Got More Talent

Fact 2) We need more Justin Timberlake. When's he going to stop dicking around with Esmee Denters and get back to the day job of being an amazing pop star?

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It's funny because it's true

Via loldwell courtesy of @glinner

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Rihanna on Saturday Night Live

Okay, okay, I'm like five days late with this - but in my defence, Rihanna's album is so terrifyingly bad that I'd mentally screened out any references to her for the last fortnight. This sketch, however, is mildly amusing.

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A cornucopia of distractions for Friday

:: This is a must-see - Neil Young performs the theme tune to Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air (okay, it's Jimmy Fallon pretending to be Neil Young, but see if you can tell the difference...)



:: The permanently underrated Kelis released a new song via her new website earlier this week. It's called Acapella, but its got instruments on it. Confusing. But Amazing. [link]

:: "I like girls. But now... it's about justice". The Top 50 Worst Moments of Video Game Dialogue [link]. See also: "Just before you die, I’m going to tell you a secret so you really don’t want to die!" - part of the ever-expanding catalogue of poor video game dialogue on the website Audio Atrocities. [link]

:: The Tao of Don Draper [via Gawker]



:: The 14 most awesome fake products from The Simpsons. [link]

:: This basketball mascot has gone above and beyond the call of duty with his half-time dance...



:: US public radio station NPR (think Radio 4 after a hostile takeover by Harvard University) ran its list of the Top 50 Most Important Recordings Of The Decade. Despite the pompous title, they have pretty funky taste - Kelly Clarkson rubs shoulders with Outkast and someone who's done a manic jazz cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit. The 1h20m podcast has music from all the winners and some hugely pretentious chit-chat. Essential listening. [link]

:: While we're looking at the end of the musical decade, you should also check out this excellent Spotify playlist from Drowned in Sound [link] and NME's Top 100 Tracks Of The Decade - correctly topped by Beyoncé's Crazy In Love. [link]

:: Lady GaGa put on an atypically understated performance of THE BIG BALLAD from her new album on Ellen De Generes' US chat show.

Lady GaGa - Speechless


:: Wikipedia quiz -- can you guess which wikipedia article is being quoted before time runs out? WARNING: This will eat up your entire afternoon. [link]

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"I see a little silhouetto of a clam"

Stop everything you are doing AT ONCE and watch this.

The Muppets - Bohemian Rhapsody

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...?!#!??...

If it weren't for the X-rated lyrics, this would be a perfect soundtrack to the "winner's montage" on X Factor or American Idol. In many ways, it would still be a great candidate - given the obvious metaphorical implications about X Factor and the music industry. I'm not going to spell it out for you. Just watch.



Not safe for work, clearly.

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THE APPRENTICE FINAL IS ON SUNDAY

Did you know that? It's not on Wednesday, like it has been every other week. It's on Sunday. Something to do with football. Fucking football.

If you have missed the last six series and need to catch up before the final, here's a quick summary (nb: don't play this on speakers at work or you, too, will be fired).



[via Cassetteboy]

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Comedy records - oh joy!

I was under the impression that comedy records had died out with Mr Blobby and that no-one, not even Simon Cowell, could resurrect their decaying corpse.

But no.

With the record industry profits in a free-fall shitstorm, executives are signing up anything and everything that's had a glimmer of television exposure or "viral" fame. How else can you explain the fact that Universal are releasing an entire album by the Saturday Night Live team that brought us the (admittedly excellent) Natalie Portman rap and Justin Timberlake's Dick In A Box?

Predictably, the law of diminishing returns applies here - especially given that The Lonely Island (for that is their name) base their sketches on a single joke repeated over and over and over again. In a way, I suppose, that makes it an effective parody of 50 Cent's career, only with added musical integrity.

Their latest, Like A Boss, features Knocked Up's Seth Rogen and clocks in at a mercifully short 1'30". There's no doubting it'll make you laugh once. But do you need to own it?

Therefore, in contravention of our usual policy, have a look at the video then don't buy the album.

Lonely Island - Like A Boss


PS: Flight Of The Conchords don't count as a comedy band.
PPS: Here's Calvin Harris's take on the state of the record industry, via Twitter:

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"This room has a positive flow, like the sea itself"

I spotted the following video on Andrea Harner's excellent blog and her description is 100% word perfect. So here I present it to you without any further ado*

Ying Yang Twins. Translated. This is Retardilarious.



* Someone once tried to convince me this phrase was "without further adieu".
They are dead now.

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Mamma Mia! spoofed by French and Saunders

As I'm neither female nor braindead, I was one of the few people who instinctivley hated Mamma Mia! The Movie.

I know, I know, I know - it was "tongue-in-cheek" and "camp" and "hilarious" and "heartwarming". But that's just another way of saying that they took one of pop's great songbooks, ripped it up, burnt it, pissed on the embers, fed them to a cow, removed the bile from its third stomach, poured it into a glass and served it up as a cocktail.

In other words, I do not approve of this film.

Anyway, French and Saunders obviously share some of my concerns, as they tore the movie to pieces in a parody for Comic Relief last Friday night. It's the best thing they've done for years...

Part One


Part Two

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Cheryl Cole inspires novelty song pt329

Many, many people (two in all) have recommended the following video to me today. It's a rapalicious ode to Cheryl Cole in a "comedy" northern accent.

Frankly, it's all a bit Takeover TV (crap Channel 4 home video series from the days before Youtube (youtube)) and it is certainly not a patch on Lily Allen's Cheryl Tweedy.

But I promised I'd post something about Girls Aloud today and this is better than rabbiting on about the frankly ludicrous decision to release Untouchable as their next single.



For the record, the correct order of attractiveness for Girls Aloud is as follows:


1) Nadine


2) Kimberley


3) Cheryl


4) Sarah


5) Nicola

And that is the last word on that, okay?

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Television highlight of the decade

No, it wasn't the Oscars (what was all that about?) but comedian Robert Webb recreating the choreography from Flashdance on the otherwise abysmal Let's Dance For Comic Relief on Saturday night.

I cried actual tears.



Note to Youtube pirates: The intro video, in which Webb detailed his lifelong ambition to become a welder, was almost as hilarious as the actual routine. Could you possibly clip that up for us? Cheers.

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Goodies from the internet cookie jar

Today, we bring you links to external websites to create the impression we're working when, in fact, we're reading external websites. Duplication is keeping this blog alive, folks...

:: Katy Perry is all tucked up in a cosy duvet.

:: Following the much-emailed literal interpretation of A-ha's Take On Me video, and the not-nearly-as-funny version of Tears For Fears' Head Over Heels, comedy gold is mined once again in the series' third instalment.



:: Credit card warning. Don't do what this guy did.

:: Isla Fisher looks truly scrumptious in this photoshoot for Allure magazine.

:: Lily Allen is streaming her new album on MySpace. I can't be bothered to listen to it - can someone else pass it through their auditory system and let me know if it's worth buying? Thanks.

:: We all suspected Christian Bale had a bit of a temper, but here's confirmation - an extraordinary two minute, expletive-filled rant on the set of Terminator: Salvation. Disgraceful. Update: Here's the inevitable dance remix.

:: Following SingStar Abba's success, we're promised Singstar Queen later this year. I don't care what Sony says, however, I'm not buying a PS3 until we get Singstar Girls Aloud. And the price drops by £100. And pigs fly.

:: President Obama reads Bush's handover letter live from the Oval Office



:: A trainspotter-esque, but nonetheless fascinating, Wikipedia page on unusual types of gramophone records.

:: Whatever happened to TV's Blossom? "I was too 'ethnic' or 'quirky'," she tells The Onion.

:: Here's what Guitar Hero would have looked like in 1982 [via b3ta]

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History of pop in four chords

This was featured on Radio One over the weekend, so I can't take any credit for finding it - but it's very amusing nonetheless: Aussie comedy troupe The Axis Of Awesome deconstruct the "magic" four-chord sequence that underpins all great pop writing (except for Sting, who would add a dminished fifth to show how clever he is, and Status Quo, who haven't learnt the fourth one yet).

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Harry Hill on Britney Spears on the X Factor

It's funny because it's true:

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That sure is a nice bodywarmer

In the absence of any music news - Cats.

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