The Black Eyed Peas have finally been absorbed into the Matrix

If you've been paying attention to the Black Eyed Peas' last two albums, you'll be aware that they're slowly turning into cyborgs.

It's not just the dehumanised vocals, or the vacant, expressionless performances (although it is both of those things). No, it's the soul-free hum of anti-music created entirely by computer algorithm.

We can't even be certain that the various members of the Black Eyed Peas turn up to the studio to record their vocals any more. Will.i.am has gone on record to say he wants to sample the Fergie, apl and Taboo's vocabulary so he can create an endless stream of "product" without the need for physical contact with his band. They are becoming the Stephen Hawkings of the pop world.

To continue their evolution into fully digital beings, the Black Eyed Peas have now been reborn as cartoons. Christened the Baby Peas, the CGI quartet are even putting out their own records. In case you assume this displays a degree of humanity and wit, the band have issued a dead-eyed press release that contains the phrase:

"The animated characters known as the Baby Peas were
created by will.i.am to immortalize the real Black Eyed Peas
so they could live and entertain fans on multiple screens."

That's right, "multiple screens".

Against all expectation, however, the Baby Peas' debut single XOXOXO is the most sweet-natured, super-cute and personable BEP track in years. That's right - the computers have started to assimilate human characteristics.

RUN FOR YOU LIVES! EVACUATE PLANET EARTH! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Baby Peas - XOXOXO

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Can someone erase this song from existence?

Last weekend, Mrsdiscopop described The Black Eyed Peas' new single, The Time (Dirty Bit), as "a waste of soundwaves".

I couldn't have put it better myself. It's as if will.i.am has deliberately shit in my ear.

The Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit)


For those of you brave enough to watch the above clip, here is a song with similar lyrics that won't make you want to stick a drill through your eyes.

Patrick Wolf - The Time Of My Life

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Extra-curricular activities

If the blog has seemed slightly neglected over the last few weeks, here's why: A series of "high profile" (slightly desperate) and "expertly crafted" (cobbled together) features on the BBC News website. Links and bonus content as follows:

The Veronicas interview

What were they like? Hungover, flirty, hilarious

Most useless quote: "My favourite thing to do, aside from singing, is laugh" (Lisa)

Best bit that didn't make it: On whether they were pissed off that Katy Perry had nicked the "kissed a girl" line from Take Me On The Floor:
Jessica: "It's true! She totally stole our thunder!"
Lisa: "We're friends with Katy, so it’s cool. Her song is very different from ours. Apart from the kissing girls bit."

Pixie Lott interview

What was she like? Amazingly, for a stage school graduate, really interested in music. Made me give her my copy of Daniel Merriweather's album.

Most useless quote: "When I was younger I'd always sing the Whitney classics and the Mariah classics".

Best bit that didn't make it: "There's a song on the album called Jack, which was written by a girl band called M2M seven years ago. One of them used to go out with Zac from Hanson, and when they broke up she was really upset and wrote a song about it. But she didn’t want to make it obvious it was about him, so she called it Jack. I'm singing their break-up song, which means that, technically, I've dated Zac Hanson."

Black Eyed Peas interview

What were they like? Jetlagged, but polite. Interestingly, Taboo, Fergie and apl defer to will.i.am on all matters, on and off-camera.

Most useless quote: "This record is just more focused on dance sounds. It’s like the dance knob is at 200, instead of 75, 50, the way it used to be." (will.i.am)

Best bit that didn't make it: Will.i.am on the new wave of hip-hop: "Here we are in 2009 and there’s Boom Boom Pow and there’s Kid Cudi and there’s Kanye West experimenting with electro. It’s back to the early 90s when Technotronic did 'pump up the jam, pump it up, yo pump it'."

Britney Spears concert review

What was she like? A high-quality drag act.

Most useless quote: "What's Up London? Awesome!"

Best bit that didn't make it: Britney's voicebox.

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New Video: Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feelin'

I Gotta Feelin' is the second single from the BEP's new album, THE END, and it's much more representative of the record's electro-hop party vibe than Boom Boom Pow. Produced by French DJ David Guetta it's a big, demented pop song about a rather raucous summer barbeque.

"I got my money
Let’s spend it up
Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Let’s get get off!"

Although the single mix never quite achieves the arms-in-the-air crescendo you'd expect, the various remixes will take care of that. Meanwhile, the video has a few inexplicable faux-bisexual soft porn elements. Do the Black Eyed Peas really believe they can become the hip-hop Scissor Sisters?

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feelin'

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This will be number one on Sunday

Well done, the public. You have killed music.

Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow

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