Katy Perry's Super Bowl performance in full

Here it is, then, Katy Perry's ball-busting Super Bowl show in all of its 12-minute glory.

Key points for those of you who want to scroll through the boring bits:

• 0'20" Katy arrives on a tiger (Roar)
• 1'47" Definitely looks like she's going to fall off here
• 1'53" Giant game of cosmic chess (Dark Horse)
• 2'51" Caught in a cyclone
• 3'20" Non-shit Lenny Kravitz duet (I Kissed A Girl)

• 4'30" Ahoy there, dancing sharks! (Teenage Dream)
• 5'52" Left shark forgets dance moves, sparks instant Twitter parody
• 7'10" Synchronised sunbathing (California Gurls)
• 7'15" Missy Elliot does Get Ur Freak On (Get Ur Freak On)
  
• 7'25" Katy Perry stops being pop star, becomes Missy Elliot's stalker

• 8'20" Missy Elliot is still here (Work It)
• 9'04" Missy Elliot is still here (Lose Control)
• 10'00" Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?
• 10'38" Would you like to shoot on a star? (Firework)
• 11'30" This is pretty fucking amazing
• 12'10" Let's all punch a volcano

Basically, there are no boring bits. Sit back and watch it below.

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Beyonce's "not bad" Super Bowl show

So now we all know why Beyoncé mimed at the Presidential inauguration - she was saving herself for the Super Bowl. And with good reason: Obama's swearing in attracted 20 million viewers, but Madonna's 2012 half-time show was seen by 114 million. "You do the maths," as a maths teacher might say.

And what a show: Hair was tossed, flames were thrown, thighs were slapped, and Destiny's Child were resurrected (with bonus points for historical accuracy when the sound man turned down Kelly and Michelle's mics during their solo lines).

Best of all, there was no new material. Beyoncé may have a world tour, a new album and a lacklustre bonus track on a Destiny's Child compilation CD to promote - but she played it simple and rolled out her biggest hits. And End Of Time.

You can watch the whole thing here. Again and again and again.

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