Eeeek! Joss Stone gets political

Remember when everyone said Joss Stone was recording a campaign song for Barack Obama? There was a lot of carping about the whole idea: she's not American, she's not black, she's mainly shit. That sort of thing.

Anyway, nothing ever came of it - either because the rumour wasn't true or because everyone involved realised they could be doing something better with their time. Like whipping disabled babies with licorice strips made in Chinese sweatshops from the sex glands of panda bears.

But now that election has been and gone, Joss has come out with a song called Governmentalist - which some people reckon is that forgotten campaign anthem.

Except, if you listen to the lyrics, it's all about politicians sending children to die in Iraq while they stick thirty bags of bouncing powder up their noses. I'm not sure Obama would be keen to have it played at the inauguration ball…

Here's Joss to explain where the song really came from.



Anyway, it turns out that Governmentalist is a little return to form - Joss has ditched the hip-hop nonsense that ruined her last album and served up a sleazy, ghetto-fantastic jam that brings to mind Issac Hayes and Grover Washington Jr. There's a free download on her official website. Along with a "smashing" (terrible) essay about the evils of war.

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Stone me...

So far, all the buzz about Randy Jackson's star-studded new album has been about Paula Abdul's not-entirely-terrible comeback single, Dance Like There's No Tomorrow.

But hidden further into the CD is a little gem by Joss Stone. Yes, you heard me right, a genuinely good song by Joss "only the crumbliest, flakiest pop star" Stone.

It sounds surprisingly like a Neptunes production, which is not entirely inappropriate given reports that she's currently working with their rocking proteges, Clipse.

Punctuated by cheap synth brass and a kicking drum loop, the song features Joss half-singing, half-rapping a verse that attacks Kanye West's misogynistic lyrics on Gold Digger.

It's just a shame that, when Jackson and Stone got round to writing the chorus, they chickened out of turning in their own hook and pinched Burt Bacharach's Walk On By.

Here it is in all its funky glory on that youtube (youtube).

Joss Stone - Walk On By


And have you seen that flake advert? What a disaster...

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Here is Joss Stone's new video

In which Joss visits the set of 1980s kids programme Why Don't You.

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That Joss Stone single, then

The rumoured leak of Joss Stone's new album may never have happened, but her new single Tell Me 'Bout It has premiered on BBC Radio 1. Consequently, an MP3 is going round the houses like a randy milkman on national pants-off day.

First impressions:

The backing track is a bit like Groove is In the Heart played through a gramophone horn (ask your grandad)

Although Joss claims not to have been happy with her first two albums, this doesn't stray too far from her patented "I'm a bit like Aretha Franklin, me" sound.

Tell Me 'Bout It is short, like all good songs used to be before Genesis came along and ruined everything with their tedious plank spanking

The chorus seems a bit underwhelming at first, but it'll stick in your head like an arrow that was supposed to cut an apple in half but went into your head instead.

Record buyers who could not be bothered to buy Christina Aguilera's Back To Basics album will not be any more convinced by this effort

I think I'll put on that Amy Winehouse album now. She's quite good, really

Hear it off of this blog over here

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Diggin' on you

Bare-footed soul pixie Joss Stone is on the comeback trail, with a new album and a daft new barnet.

We should all be very thankful for this, because Joss nearly gave it all up after being pushed around by 'the man'.

"It's no secret that I don't really like my first two albums," Joss says. "I told my manager: 'Let me make the album I want to or I'll quit and start a new life.'"

Her manager agreed and, free to pursue her own musical goals, Joss has made an album of ambient whale noises accompanied by the sound of tennis balls being thrown into jam.

Not really, of course. She has actually hired the ultra-talented R&B producer Raphael Saadiq (Mary J Blige, TLC, Kelis, The Bee-Gees (?)) and recorded a whole shedload of self-penned tracks - as well as a duet with former Fugee and current recluse Lauryn Hill.

"The theme of the album is music," says Joss in a rare moment of insight.

The album will be called Introducing Joss Stone when it arrives in March, but there are reports that it has leaked already. Mind you, I've downloaded about seven different "previews" so far and all of them are fake. If you've got a genuine copy of any of the tracks, it would be wonderful if you could hook me up.

A copy of the album wouldn't be bad, either.

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The Grammys: In pictures

I really have very little to say about the Grammys. I watched the 2-hour synopsis of the ceremony last night, and even that seemed like extended aural torture.

U2 clearly had to restrain themselves from killing Mary J Blige as she systematically ruined their one decent song.

There was general confusion, and the air of a ramshackle last-day-of-term show, for the the 'tribute' to Sly and the Family Stone. Sly himself looked particularly discombobulated, probably because of the industrial amounts of coke he's shoved up his nose over the last 35 years.

Stevie Wonder did his joke about taking his glasses off, the better to see a pretty lady (again(. And Madonna displayed her gusset for the all world to see (again).

As is par for the course at these ceremonies, mediocrity was heavily rewarded. Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams", for instance, was clearly not the record of 2005. Nor was U2's "Sometime You Can't Make It On Your Own" the song of the year. And what is the difference between those two awards, anyway?

I could ramble on about this for days, but in the end the awards make little or no difference. Especially 'Best Polka Album'. What we're really here for are the frocks - so let's take a look:



Stefani: Hollabump girl



Kanye: Tells it like it is
(In all seriousness, this man needs taken down a peg or two. We used to beat up the cocky kids like him at school. And we were the nerds.)



Sting: "I'll fight you for that mushroom vol au vent"



Madonna: GUSSET!



Joss Stone: "Does anyone know how to get superglue off your chin?"



Jamie Foxx: Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum



Mariah: She's got the horn(s)



Fergie: Face or fish? You decide.
(Oh, alright, it is a fish. Sturgeon, I think.)



Missy: Cool as ice-cream, and the only deserving award-winner of the night (best video for Lose Control)



Beyoncé: Prom queen (again)



Macca: "Help! I've dislocated my hip."

Grammy Nominees: Full list of winners

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Old News!!!

It's like someone pressed 'pause' on the news when I left the country. Two weeks off work and the headlines are all the same: "Government debates ridiculous infringement of our human rights", "Boring Prince will marry boring lady", "Pope still not dead".

Has the music news been any more entertaining? Frankly, yes.

This is what I missed:

Joss Stone tells Robbie to shove it.
"I liked you when I was eight, but I've grown out of it", the twirly-barneted diva told Robbie. Haven't we all, love?

Michael Stipe has blue snot
It's true, I tells ya.

Neptunes: The honeymoon is finally over
They are to take production credits on Jamie Cullum's new album, tentatively titled "Slap my fat, self-satisfied, tit-face"

Alanis - Go USA!
Always one to be contrary, Alanis Morissette has become an US citizen just as thousands of forward-thinking citizens flee in the other direction.

Phwoar!
Natalie Imbruglia's new website has 'gone live', as they used to say in 1987. Lots of gorgeous new pictures samples from her fantastic new album, which is out next month.

Normal service is now resumed.

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Best Polka nominees

The nominations for next year's Grammys are out, with the usual 24736 categories. Highlights have to be "Best packaging", "Best album that is at least 51% instrumental" and the hotly-contested "Best Polka". Although I suppose there's still nothing as shameful as the MOBO's Best Ringtone award.



Good to see Basement Jaxx, Franz Ferdinand and Joss Stone getting recognized, though.

47th Grammy awards

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