Left, Left, Up. Down, Down, Right.

Fuck choreography: In Madonna's new video, she goes to the Trocadero and plays "Dance, Dance, Revolution." (Although she's not going to get a very high score if she keeps turning her back to the screen like that).

"Brian, I'm a genius too". WFMU has a recording of the Beach Boy's dad Murry Wilson, drunk, ruining a Beach boys recording session in 1965. "You think because you've had a couple of hits, you've got it made."

Q: How many members of Westlife does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: All of them. No, really.

One for mrsdiscopop: Pictures of Nigel Barker back when he was a male model, plus lost of spoilers on America's Next Top Model, cycle 5.

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That's entertainment

If your male friends mysteriously start signing up to be escorts, this is why.

Popjustice are banging on about the new tATu video (right click and select 'save target as' to download it to your hard drive). Personally, we think it's trying just a little bit too hard. Why not go and look at the "Joining A Fanclub" video from Japanese girl band Puffy Amiyumi instead? It's cheaper, sweeter, and the song's better, too.

Heidi Klum will host the German version of America's Next Top Model. German stylists have already begun to stockpile hair clippings in case she needs a weave to rival Tyra's.

This boring blog article about Mariah Carey is much enlivened by the bitchy gossip in the comments field. "More butterflies! Mariah loves butterflies!"

Oh, and if you're in London, Goldfrapp are doing an in-store performance and album signing session at the Virgin Megastore in Oxford Street on Monday. See you there!

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ANTM

We've been watching the ever-excellent America's Next Top Model for the last couple of weeks on Living TV. However, a couple of things are bothering us:

Firstly, How big is Tyra Banks' hair-weave? She must have the hair of four normal women tied to her scalp. You may have noticed that she can no longer turn her head because of the crushing weight.

If no-one does anything to tackle it, Tyra might turn into Cousin It by the time we reach series 5.

Secondly, we may have missed the point of what models do - but why are so many of the contestants frighteningly ugly? Particularly Michelle, who is clearly a man.

Third: Living Frankenstein Janice Dickinson shouldn't really be allowed out in public. Unless, of course, they can find her a position in a touring carnival of freaks. She'd be perfect locked up in a cage, snarling insults at passers by while performing ad-hoc plastic surgery by sticking scraps of raw meat to her face. Still, she does have the best driving licence photo ever

Finally, and most important of all - is Tyra Banks suffering from some kind of personality disorder? She spends half of every episode counseling these hapless photoshoot wannabes, building their confidence up to the point where they're just about able to avoid bursting into tears every time someone points a camera at them. Then, fifteen minutes later, she makes sends one of them home - telling them they're "not model material" and "incapable of taking a good photo". Passive / Aggressive doesn't even begin to describe it.

We're sorry for not bringing this all to your attention earlier, as this series clearly peaked with last week's exchange between the judges, while discussing Brittany (pictured):

Tyra: Janice, you just like Brittany her because she looks like your little sister. You can see yourself in her.
Nolé: Janice, with your first face, maybe
Janice: Don't get me going - short, fat, squatty, bald, blind boy
Nolé: Don't worry, my plastic surgery victim freak of nature.

You will not find dialogue of this quality on X Factor (or Eastenders, for that matter).

Anyway, if you do watch the programme, you'll appreciate this Saturday Night Live parody, with Tina "Mean Girls" Fey as Miss Tyra, and Lindsay "Also in Mean Girls" Lohan as one of the models.

If you've never seen the programme - catch up tonight on Living TV.

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